 |  |  |  |  |
Malex Minute 050
Submitted by Peter on Fri, 02/16/2007 - 12:00am
Malex buys an MP3 player only to discover that it has a noxious personality, Linus ‘acquires’ FleeceThem.Com, and Snufflefungus forgets about the most important part of any Ant Farm.
Transcript
~~ Introduction
Malex: Hey all, Malex here! With Valentine’s day come and gone, most of us are left wondering: What’s the point?
Linus: You’re just mad because you didn’t get a valentine.
Malex: And you’re just mad because the mail server issued a retraction to your valentine the minute she heard last week’s episode.
Snufflefungus: Yeah Linus, you came off sounding pretty bad.
Linus: Shut up? Thank you.
Malex: Ow!
Snufflefungus: What? What happened?
Malex: Ah, I think an ant bit me or something… Gosh. So, anyway… What’s been going on lately? I finally bought a new digital audio player! Say hello to the listeners, Poddy!
Poddy: I hate you, and I hate everything you stand for.
Malex: But Poddy! I bought you from the store. I installed Rockbox on you. I brought you a screen protector. I give you a purpose!
Poddy: Yeah? Well (Beeped out.) you!
Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) Poddy has a potty mouth!
Linus: That joke was just begging to be made.
Poddy: You and your stupid ‘Rockbox.’ Or is that “box of rocks?” That’s right, that’s right! I just think your brain is a box of rocks!
Malex: Poddy, stop being rude, or I’ll put you away!
Poddy: You’ll never take me alive, cracker!
Malex: That’s it, you’re going into the drawer!
Poddy: Try and catch me!
Malex: Hey, come back here!
Linus: I told him that thing was a bad idea…
Snufflefungus: (After a slightly awkward silence.) Uh, so… What’ve you been doing lately?
Linus: (Defensively.) Nothing! Why? What have you heard?
Snufflefungus: Nothing interesting…
Linus: Well… Okay then. You’re still talking Malex out of seeing America’s Most Wanted whenever he says he wants to watch it, right?
Snufflefungus: Sure! Although I can’t imagine for the life of me why…?
Linus: Just take your dime and don’t ask questions.
Snufflefungus: Okay.
Malex: (Returning.) Wow, I had no idea how desperate Poddy was to get away from me.
Snufflefungus: What happened?
Malex: He flushed himself down the toilet.
Linus: Well that’s just too darn bad.
Malex: Two hundred and fifty bucks down the drain. Literally.
Snufflefungus: I secretly never liked Poddy…
Malex: (Sighs.)
Linus: So, does that completely ruin your agenda for this week’s episode?
Malex: (Resignedly.) Yup.
Linus: Then can I take over?
Malex: Sure.
Snufflefungus: Is that such a great idea?
Linus: (Cuts Snuffy off.) Great! I’d like to talk about my newest venture!
Malex: Oh no…
Linus: As you all know, Linus the Laptop Industries is the largest provider of scams, I mean ‘stuff,’ in the entire world!
Snufflefungus: I didn’t know this…
Malex: It’s news to me too.
Linus: And with our recent acquisition of FleeceThem.Com, we’ve also become the largest provider of online auctioning services to the grey- and dark–market communities!
Malex: What?
Linus: So remember to visit FleeceThem.Com for all your auctioning needs!
Snufflefungus: What’s a ‘dark-market?’
Malex: Sounds more like ‘black-market’ to me…
Linus: That’s not a politically-correct term. We in the community prefer ‘dark-market.’ It just sounds better.
Snufflefungus: I may just be a fuzzball, but that sounds really contrived to me.
Malex: So you prefer ‘dark-market,’ eh? What if I ‘prefer’ for you to do business legitimately? Ow! Where are these ants coming from?
Linus: (Laughs.) Malex, that’s why I like hanging out with you. You’re such a funny guy.
Malex: How comforting.
Snufflefungus: Hey Malex?
Malex: What’s that, Snuffy?
Snufflefungus: Can I have an Ant Farm?
Malex: What? No!
Snufflefungus: Can I have an Ant Farm quickly, please?
Malex: Why?
Linus: ’Cause he ordered the ants and forgot that he needed somewhere to keep them.
Malex: Holy Hannah, they’re everywhere!
Snufflefungus: Help! They tickle!
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we’re out of time for today. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode, and will join us again next week on the Malex Minute! Back! Back, you foul ant demons!
~~ End
Credits
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Aisling
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support. 
Media Downloads
| Name | Size | Action |
|---|---|---|
| Episode Audio | 2.6 MB |   |
| Classic Malex Minute Illustration | 309.15 KB |  |
| | | | |
Like what you see? Follow us! 
© 2005-2010 by Malex Media Network, LLC. A part of the Malex Media Network®
Comments
Potty mouth Poddy?
It's not his fault! He just repeats what he hears. Maybe he spent too much time listening to some of the raunchier music on iTunes.
But now he's gone, and we'll never hear his side of the story.
I think Linus might have one of those gel filled ant habitat things left over from last Christmas.
------------------------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
snuffy is so cute!
Its amzing what somethings will do to get away from Malex...
Wait how did it flush itself? It couldn't have reached the handle from the bowl...
I hope those ants dont do too much damage.
------------------------------
And where will I go from here?
"Is that a spittoon on your head?"
"You're just jealous."-Contradictionary- Phlegmingo
how did it GO anywhere!!!!!
All it had to do was jump on the handle then fall into the bowl
Poor Poddy 
-----------------------
Beneath the symbol of a lost cause
Is where I take my stand.
Cause love never claims the victory
Till it finally gives it's all.
And that's why the grave is empty
Beneath the symbol of a lost cause.
-"Symbol of a Lost Cause", Ginny Owens
SCI-EENNNNCE!!!!
lol
Malex: How many did you order?
Snufflefungus: All of them...
------------------------------
People always think that others that talk to themselves are crazy, but it's not true. Your crazy if you talk back.
------------------------------
I need a siggy...
Oh wait.
An Exciting Life Ahead
"Malex: He flushed himself down the toilet."
It makes me think of the movie Flushed Away. Poddy is probably a lot happier down there. And I bet he fits in better.
------------------------------
Heaven:
Where Summer's sun never makes you sweat, and Winter never gets cold.
Where Autumn's leaves aren't really dead, and Spring never grows old.
Everything looks perfect from far away.
The ants go marching
The gnome is highly amused. 'All of them'. If the snuff ordered soldier ants, just have the pvt. punk call them to attention and march them out of the house. Love that snuffy, what a fun little critter. The linus seems to have issues.
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
Linus has issues.
Ya know, I googled "Linus is Satan" and the first page had only references to three different Linuses: Linus Torvalds, Linus from Peanuts, and Linus the Laptop. Our Linus was the seventh down.
Warning: The google search also turned up some pretty foul language so repeating it is not recommended.
------------------------------
Heaven:
Where Summer's sun never makes you sweat, and Winter never gets cold.
Where Autumn's leaves aren't really dead, and Spring never grows old.
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Lol, this episode is really
Lol, this episode is really funny! When Snuffy first said he ordered all of the ants, I thought he meant all of the ants in the entire world! Heheh, that would be quite a nightmare.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
*lol* Yeah...
I boubt Uncle Milton could arrange something like that...
-------
Everything worthwhile in life also possesses a form worthy of Heaven.
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Will it happen?
Will the malex recover the poddy?
Will the linus be foiled in his evil plot?
Will the snufflefungus ever learn?
What happened with the nuclear sheep of doom?
Name a shrub after me...something prickly and hard to eradicate.
JK
ALL THIS AND MORE IN THE FIRST MALEX HOUR!!!!!!!
Just kidding. 
"Taisy, I know you're awake! Don't lie!" -Knucksy Fligheng
God answers my prayers. He lifts me up. He gives me my breaths and refills my cup.
...
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Answers
What happened with the nuclear sheep of doom?
Some things are better left unsaid.
------------------------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
How on earth!
How are they going to get all those ants out?
Stop eating in the house?
------------------------------
"Harry, call me old girl again and I'll spit in your eye."- Ark in space
"Is that a spittoon on your head?"
"You're just jealous."-Contradictionary- Phlegmingo