~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody! Malex here, and I’m in the studio today with my two friends: Linus the Laptop and Snufflefungus the Magnificent.

Snufflefungus: But we’re here every day!

Linus: Yeah, we can never get away from you.

Malex: Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of discord around the home. Surely, things have returned to normal from the artificial joy of the Christmas season!

Linus: Speak for yourself, buster. I’m practically overflowing with joy.

Snufflefungus: I’m literally overflowing with joy! Here, want some?

Malex: (Cheerfully.) Not on your life!

Linus: Say, Malex. Why don’t you tell the listeners what you did this week!

Malex: Why are you so excited about it?

Linus: Uh, I’m not! Seriously! I just want you to finish up so we can go back to our… lives.

Snufflefungus: I like lives!

Malex: Well, Right! Anyway, after returning from Faithwalkers, I drove up to Michigan to get away from it all and write a book.

Linus: And he even went so far as to accomplish the first thing!

Snufflefungus: (Gasps.) You didn’t write a book?!

Malex: Sure I did! At least, I wrote a good chunk of it… Well anyway, who actually expected me to finish it in a week?

Linus: You did.

Malex: I did? Really?

Linus: Yup, you optimistic son-of-a-gun you…

Snufflefungus: I did too…

Malex: Well anyway, it’s not finished… But I like what I have so far! It has a good sci-fi base, with some potential for some incredible character interactions–

Linus: Can we move on already? This is taking too long.

Malex: Well, okay… um, I also… Hey, why are you rushing me, anyway?

Linus: No reason… Just like I told you.

Snufflefungus: I think he has a nefarious purpose.

Malex: Well, the only other vaguely interesting thing that happened to me was that the Malex Media Network now has a new client, and a few other potential clients are in the queue.

Linus: Marvelous. Are you done?

Malex: I suppose–

Linus: Great! Now you’ll never guess what Snuffy and I did while you were gone!

Snufflefungus: Oh no…

Malex: You’re right, I’ll never guess. Just tell me.

Linus: I was able to scientifically conclude that helium has an intoxicating effect on Snufflefungus physiology!

Malex: What? Intoxicating?!

Snufflefungus: I don’t remember any of this…

Linus: And, in the interests of science, I recorded the whole thing! Watch!

Malex: Oh no…

~~ Recording playback starts.

Linus: Here, Snuffy. Breathe this!

Snufflefungus: Why?

Linus: (Yells.) Do it now!

Snufflefungus: Okay, okay!

~~ Playback is interrupted.

Linus: Now lemme skip forward about ten minutes…

~~ Playback resumes.

Snufflefungus: (Inebriated.) Hey everybody! Happy new year! (Hiccups.) I love you guys!

Linus: But New Year’s Day was a week ago!

Snufflefungus: (Inebriated.) That’s what you say, slappy-pants! I say you’re the cutest of the– (Hiccups, then more seriously.) tree…

~~ Recording playback stops.

Malex: That’s enough of that now! Linus, I’m ashamed of you.

Linus: That’s too bad, ’cause all my fans on the Internet love me! This video is all over You-Tube and places!

Malex: Snuffy, are you gonna be okay?

Snufflefungus: Sure! I didn’t remember any of that, but boy was that video funny!

Malex: Really?

Linus: Looks like you’re the only one with a problem here, Malex.

Malex: Yeah, okay, well just never do that again, alright?

Linus: Sure, whatever…

Malex: Well, I think we should cut this episode short before violence breaks out, Ladies and Gentlemen. Thanks for listening today, and we hope you’ll join us next week on the Malex Minute!

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Aisling

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.