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Malex Minute 044
The Malex Minute
Submitted by Peter on Fri, 01/05/2007 - 12:00am
Marble Stacking: The Surest Route to Homelessness!
Transcript
~~ Introduction
Malex: Happy new year, everybody! Malex here, and Linus and I have finally returned from our trip.
Linus: Ugh.
Snufflefungus: Why don’t you tell the listeners where you were, Linus?
Linus: I don’t even want to talk about it.
Malex: Just so everybody knows, Linus’s little ‘overreaction’ from last episode did not result in permanent damage to himself or others.
Linus: (Cheery.) Hey, I still don’t want to talk about it! Imagine that!
Malex: So, Snufflefungus, what did you do while we were gone?
Snufflefungus: (Slightly evasive.) Well…
Linus: Ooh! Did you do something interesting? Tell us, tell us!
Snufflefungus: I don’t know…
Malex: Now Snuffy, you really should tell us.
Snufflefungus: Well, you know how some people build houses for themselves out of stacked cards?
Linus: (Emphasis.) No.
Malex: Kind of.
Snufflefungus: Well, I bought ten thousand dollars worth of marbles to stack up!
Linus: Uh…
Snufflefungus: I just thought that if they can build a house out of stacked cards, I should be able to build a house out of marbles.
Malex: But… You can’t stack marbles.
Snufflefungus: I know that now.
Linus: Well I hope you got your ten thousand dollars back.
Snufflefungus: No.
Malex: Why not?!
Snufflefungus: They don’t take back used marbles.
Malex: So where are the marbles now?
Snufflefungus: Well, I tried to give them to charity and things, but nobody wanted them. So I buried them in the back yard.
Malex: (Slowly and deliberately.) You buried them… in the back yard.
Snufflefungus: Yes! Well, see, I didn’t really want Linus to make fun of me trying to stack marbles, so I thought hiding them would be best.
Linus: I’m a little more hung up on the ten thousand dollars thing. Where did you get that kind of money?
Snufflefungus: I got it from the bank!
Malex: Snufflefungus, I didn’t know you had a savings account.
Snufflefungus: I don’t! It was a loan!
Malex: A loan! How were you going to pay them back?!
Linus: He doesn’t have a clue!
Snufflefungus: They told me I wouldn’t have to worry about it as long as I put your house up as collateral!
Malex: (Sobs.)
Linus: Well well… Malex finally breaks into tears on the show. Good work, Snufflefungus. You can let up on the joke now.
Snufflefungus: Malex, I’m sorry! Are you okay?
Malex: I’m okay… So it was all a joke then?
Snufflefungus: No.
Linus: What?!
Snufflefungus: I don’t know why Linus said that.
Malex: Okay… Well I guess I’ll go call the bank, then…
Linus: So, you actually got the bank to lend you ten thousand dollars?
Snufflefungus: Yup! It was really easy!
Linus: Excellent! I have some world domination plans I think you might be interested in financing.
Snufflefungus: If I do, will you teach me how to tap-dance?
Linus: Tap dance?
Snufflefungus: Yeah! I always thought it would be so fun to tap dance!
Linus: But you don’t have any legs!
Snufflefungus: Neither do you!
Linus: And I don’t know how to tap dance!
Snufflefungus: So you can learn. Then, you can teach me!
Linus: No, me not having legs means I can’t tap dance!
Snufflefungus: Oh… Well I’d better find a different teacher then.
Linus: (Getting really loud.) You can’t tap dance either!
Snufflefungus: Well not if you won’t teach me…
Malex: Hey, I just got off the phone with the bank.
Linus: Did you get it straightened out?
Malex: Oh, they won’t talk to me about the loan because it’s not my loan.
Snufflefungus: I can talk to them. They like talking to me!
Malex: No no, I already asked if they would talk to you. They said no, because you don’t own the collateral.
Snufflefungus: Oh…
Linus: Funny they didn’t think about that until after granting the loan.
Malex: Yes, hilarious. Well, it looks like we’re out of time everybody! Remember to email us at Malex at MalexMedia.Net so we can talk about it during the next episode. Thanks a bunch for listening, and I hope you’ll join us next week for the Malex Minute!
~~ End
Credits
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support. 
Media Downloads
| Name | Size | Action |
|---|---|---|
| Episode Audio | 2.44 MB |   |
| Classic Malex Minute Illustration | 309.15 KB |  |
| | | | |
Comments
Genuinely funny
Linus: Excellent! I have some world domination plans I think you might be interested in financing.
Snufflefungus: If I do, will you teach me how to tap-dance?
Linus: Tap dance?
Snufflefungus: Yeah! I always thought it would be so fun to tap dance!
Linus: But you don't have any legs!
Snufflefungus: Neither do you!
Linus: And I don't know how to tap dance!
Snufflefungus: So you can learn. Then, you can teach me!
Linus: No, me not having legs means I _can't_ tap dance!
Snufflefungus: Oh... Well I'd better find a different teacher then.
Linus: (Getting really loud.) You can't tap dance either!!
Snufflefungus: Well not if you won't teach me...
This is such a funny exchange. Foppy's delivery is just masterful. And so is Quartz's, especially on the last line. He sounds so... reproachful. And the logic of this entire train is derailed by the fact that Snuffy is dancing during the intro. So apparently the lack of legs is no hindrance for him.
I love the way Malex takes the ludicrousness of everyday situations and makes sport of them in the Minute scripts. In this one we have the bank lending a huge amount of money to someone who uses another person's property as collateral, and then refusing to speak to either party about it, presumably to protect each other's privacy from the other.
------------------------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Sorry, Malex...
...but you crying on the show just doesn't have the same affect as when Snuffy does.
"So I buried them in the backyard."
I'm picturing hundreds of thousands of dime-sized holes punched all through the backyard.
"You can't tap dance either!!"
Maybe if you get Snuffy some tap shoes he could use his telekinesis to pretend to tap dance.
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"That's hardly enough," he said, anxiously. "You see the wind is so very strong here. It's as strong as soup." - Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Thanks!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
I spend so much time trying to think these things up (and easily as much time again trying to find the best words for each character to actually say)... Well, it's just very encouraging when people actually enjoy my work.
ttyl
--Alex Markley
"As always, anyone asking 'Available' Anna (an Answerco Associate) about anything acquires an already-acknowledged answer." --Answerco - All answers. Always.
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Hehe
"you crying on the show just doesn't have the same affect as when Snuffy does"
Well, you know, it was supposed to be funny...
"Maybe if you get Snuffy some tap shoes he could use his telekinesis to pretend to tap dance."
Yes, well, I imagine that would be somewhat similar to playing the drums with shoes. Possible, but really annoying.
ttyl
--Alex Markley
"As always, anyone asking 'Available' Anna (an Answerco Associate) about anything acquires an already-acknowledged answer." --Answerco - All answers. Always.
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Ha ha ha!!
I'm picturing hundreds of thousands of dime-sized holes punched all through the backyard.
Ais, you've just got the weirdest mind!!
I pictured a mountain of marbles, much bigger than our house, buried in the backyard, loosely covered with soil. An eruption waiting to happen!
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Lol
I hope Malex has a big back yard!
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"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." Anonymous
I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City
Yeah...
"I'm picturing hundreds of thousands of dime-sized holes punched all through the backyard." -Aisling
"I pictured a mountain of marbles, much bigger than our house, buried in the backyard, loosely covered with soil." -SangMing
I imagined their backyard being just the same, with not even the sod being upset, except that it has risen several feet--about halfway as high as the house--loosely in a centrally concentrated formation, like a broad mound. And maybe the neighbor dog is barking at it.
-------
Nothing worthwhile in life does not also possess a form worthy of Heaven.
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
Rotfl
Thats hilarious
------------------------------
And where will I go from here?
I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City
What a funny picture!
You try to walk on the huge mound and hear a strangely familiar, glassy, rattling sound. You can't quite place it. Then, the entire mound begins to slide and collapse beneath your feet....
------------------------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
And in other news...
a local resident vanished today beneath a well concealed stack of marbles. Rescue operations are under way but authorities are saying it "doesn't look good".
------------------------------
"That's hardly enough," he said, anxiously. "You see the wind is so very strong here. It's as strong as soup." - Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll
Everything looks perfect from far away.
No, no...
*lol* How could the mound slide? How could it collapse when literally all the it has under it--indeed, what it has become one with--is the very body whose gravity would cause it to collapse?
-------
Nothing worthwhile in life does not also possess a form worthy of Heaven.
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
how many marbles?
How many marbles can you get for 10000 dollars?
------------------------------
And where will I go from here?
I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest- Owl City
I dunno...
I'd have to have an example of a bag of marbles that had N number of marbles in it and was priced at X usd. I imagine one might get a bag of 50 marbles for possibly $5...? That would come to 1,000 marbles.
-------
Nothing worthwhile in life does not also possess a form worthy of Heaven.
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
Always ready with an answer...
Looks like $10,000 can buy approximately 465,839 marbles, weighing a total of around 2,732 pounds.
Honestly, though, I expect one could probably get way more marbles if they cut a special deal. ($10,000 is a heck of a lot of money, after all.)
ttyl
--Alex Markley
"As always, anyone asking 'Available' Anna (an Answerco Associate) about anything acquires an already-acknowledged answer." --Answerco - All answers. Always.
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Slipped a digit there, pardner.
That would actually be 100,000 marbles. And anyway, I already did the math using real numbers.
--Alex Markley
"As always, anyone asking 'Available' Anna (an Answerco Associate) about anything acquires an already-acknowledged answer." --Answerco - All answers. Always.
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Oops...
Yeah, I moved the decimal place in the wrong direction. I only spent maybe ten seconds thinking up that example. Whatever...
-------
Nothing worthwhile in life does not also possess a form worthy of Heaven.
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
465,839?
Imagine that.
------------------------------
"That's hardly enough," he said, anxiously. "You see the wind is so very strong here. It's as strong as soup." - Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Special deals
Imagine if for every hundred marbles you purchased, you got 20 more for free?
That'd probably skyrocket that figure to 3/4's of a million.
--
Don't hold your farts in, because then they travel up your spine and to your brain and that's where crappy ideas come from!
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
That's easy...
Just multiply 465,839 by 1.2--that would be 559,006 marbles.
-------
Nothing worthwhile in life does not also possess a form worthy of Heaven.
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
i'm imagining...
the backyard just as high as the fence, with marbles slipping out inbetween the cracks in the ground and the fence. and if you walked on it it would go all wavy under your feet and make you fall down
------------------------------
I thought i was lucid dreaming once, but it turned out i was awake.
------------------------------
I need a siggy...
Oh wait.
Dangerous
You'd be crushed under the tons and tons of marbles!
------------------------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Laughing like ...
Malex, I am glad you took the news so excellently!
I am TYSOME
That's our Malex!
Alex is nothing if not stoic.
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
This is something I have
This is something I have noticed about him through Fb and his writing he seems very much so Stoic.
I am TYSOME