~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody! Malex here, and today we actually have a comment from somebody in our email inbox!

Linus: It’s amazing, I was convinced that nobody was listening to the show. Now I’ve been proven wrong.

Snufflefungus: Look everybody! A flying tomato!

Malex: For the last time, Snuffy; leave it alone!

Linus: So what does this email say?

Malex: I haven’t opened it yet. I’ve been savoring the sweet, sweet smell of feedback.

Snufflefungus: Emails have a smell? Let me see!

Linus: You smell with your eyes?

Snufflefungus: No…

Malex: Hey Snuffy, get off my laptop!

Snufflefungus: I don’t smell anything.

Malex: (Sighs.) I’m not literally smelling anything, I just think it’s very nice to get positive feedback from people.

Linus: So… What does the email say…?

Malex: Well let’s find out. It says, “Why did you kill Slammin’? The only competent, worthwhile character on this blasted serial, and you killed him! Murderer!” Jose; San Antonio, Texas.

Snufflefungus: (Sniffs, then wails.) I’m worthwhile!

Linus: I’m sure you are, Snufflefungus, I’m sure you are.

Malex: Well, Jose, I hope you’re happy with yourself. You’ve actually made the Snufflefungus cry.

Linus: I might also point out that if Slammin’ was actually competent, he wouldn’t have died for his soap operas…

Malex: Good point, Linus. Besides, if Slammin’ is a real evil warlord, you know he can’t actually be dead.

Linus: Oh, that’s the test, is it?

Malex: Yeah, I hear they try and kill you at least once before you can enter the evil warlord academy.

Snufflefungus: (Still wailing.) And I’m competent, too!

Malex: It’s okay, Snufflefungus. It’s pretty obvious this Jose was too blinded by emotion to speak rationally. Slammin’ was probably close to him.

Linus: Maybe this ‘Jose’ was actually Slammin’s little sister. Or mother.

Malex: Okay, we are so not going to go there on a kid’s show.

Linus: Why? Kids get exposed to much worse stuff on my website every day.

Malex: I did not just hear that.

Linus: It’s LinusIsSatan.com everybody! Don’t forget!

Malex: (Screaming.) I’m not listening! I’m not listening!

Snufflefungus: And I’m not a murderer either!

Linus: Well if the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it, ya’ little fuzzball!

Snufflefungus: I don’t even wear shoes!

Malex: (Yells to calm things down.) Okay everybody, settle down!

Linus: Okay, whatever.

Malex: Snuffy, are you okay?

Snufflefungus: (Slightly emotionally muted.) Look… There goes the tomato again.

Malex: Yes Snuffy, there it is indeed.

Linus: You know, I hate to admit it, but that thing gives me the creeps.

Malex: Yeah… I’m sure it doesn’t mean any harm though.

Linus: So what are we going to talk about now? This email didn’t exactly spur an intelligent discussion or anything, and we’ve got a few minutes to kill.

Snufflefungus: I could teach the listeners to make Lamellate Haberdashery!

Malex: (Panicked.) No!

Snufflefungus: With a side of undertones?

Malex: No!

Snufflefungus: While singing the Hokey Pokey?

Linus: What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?

Snufflefungus: I understand all three parts!

Malex: I know, we’ve already talked about characters a bit, so let’s talk about my least favorite character ever!

Linus: Little Red Riding Squirrel?

Malex: (Impatient.) No…

Snufflefungus: Echofly?

Malex: (Shocked.) No!

Linus: Well I’m out of ideas.

Malex: It’s Superman! Who else?

Snufflefungus: Aw, but I like Superman…

Linus: Yeah, Malex. What is it with you and your crazy vendettas?

Malex: This is no vendetta, this is genuine hatred.

Linus: Okay, whoa.

Malex: I’ve seriously hated every Superman movie, television show, and comic book I’ve ever seen.

Snufflefungus: Aw, but I like the television show…

Malex: He just annoys the living daylights out of me! How can you relate to a character that’s completely invincible?!

Linus: But Malex, Superman is an all American hero! He fights for truth, justice, and the American way!

Malex: American way?! He’s a stinking illegal immigrant for crying out loud!

Snufflefungus: Aw, but I like illegal immigrants…

Linus: Ow, that was harsh.

Malex: You betcha!

Snufflefungus: You can’t make me stop liking Superman.

Linus: He’ll never quit watching that old Superman with George Reeves.

Malex: It might not even be so bad if he didn’t watch every episode over and over until everyone in the house had it memorized before moving on to the next one.

Snufflefungus: I like the Superman show!

Malex: Well, I suppose there’s one way a Superman television show would be interesting to watch…

Linus: Well, I’m horrified, but curious. How?

Malex: All they’d have to do is cast Michael Jackson as Clark Kent, and Mister T. as Superman! That show would practically write itself!

Snufflefungus: But how could they show Clark Kent turning into Superman?

Linus: Guys, I think I’m going to go puke over there.

Malex: But Linus, you don’t… Oh.

Snufflefungus: Linus! Are you okay?!

Malex: Well everybody, I guess that’s all the time we have for this year! Don’t forget to send questions, comments, and general insanity to Malex at MalexMedia dot Net so we can talk about it here on the show! I hope you enjoyed the episode, and we’ll see you in 2007!

Snufflefungus: I’m gonna go get a bucket.

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Aisling

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.