~~ Introduction

Malex: Hi everybody! Malex here, and I’m hosting the show today – along with Linus the Laptop and Snufflefungus the Snufflefungus! I know we’re in the middle of a story-arc, but our characters are in the middle of a long and uninteresting straight shot to Snufflefungus’s home planet, so we’re going to do something a little different today.

Linus: You know, every time I think this show has gone completely down the tubes, you find a way to amaze me again.

Snufflefungus: Does anybody else think there’s something wrong with the table? It seems especially wobbly today.

Linus: So what horrible thing do you have planned for us today, Malex?

Snufflefungus: We’re going to celebrate Malex’s birthday!

~~ A loud thump.

Malex: Ow! That was a piece of the ceiling!

Linus: You’re fine; It only hit your head!

Snufflefungus: Guys, I really think there’s something wrong with the table.

Malex: Anyway, no; we’re not celebrating my birthday. I would actually like to take this opportunity to go over some reasons why I think you should buy the Nintendo Wii when it comes out on November 19th.

Linus: Let me guess. Most of your reasons have to do with Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz.

Malex: Shh! They’re not supposed to know that yet!

Linus: Anyway, since when is this show a medium for crass, commercialized advertisement?

Malex: It isn’t! I wasn’t paid to come up with this, I just thought I’d share a few of my opinions with our loyal listeners!

Snufflefungus: I still just think we should stick with celebrating your birthday.

~~ A sudden fire.

Malex: Whoa! What’s going– Yikes!

Linus: Quick, call the FBI! It’s the first documented case of spontaneous chair combustion!

Snufflefungus: Look, Malex! Your pants are singed!

Malex: Yes, thanks. I noticed.

Linus: Where were we?

Snufflefungus: Malex, we’re probably going to need to replace this table.

Malex: I know Snuffy. It’s too complicated for its own good, and now it’s about to collapse.

Linus: What all can this table do, anyway?

Malex: Oh I don’t know. Fold up, expand, contract, build things, lie over the phone – it’s got basically everything but the kitchen sink.

Snufflefungus: But it does have a kitchen sink! Look underneath!

Malex: So it does, Snufflefungus. So it does.

Linus: So why do you think people should buy the Nintendo Wii?

Malex: Oh, lots of reasons! First and foremost, Super Monkey Ball.

Linus: Didn’t see that one coming.

Snufflefungus: Ooh! We can celebrate your birthday again when it comes out!

~~ Terrific crashing.

Malex: (Screams.) My arm!

Linus: The table collapsed!

Malex: My whole arm!

Snufflefungus: I’ve been saying that was going to happen…

Malex: My whole arm is caught in the table! The table swallowed my arm!

Linus: So it has, Malex. So it has.

Malex: Don’t just float there! Do something!

Linus: No can do, fella.

Snufflefungus: I’m just a furry, furry fuzzball; incapable of helping!

Malex: I really, really need to invent some new characters.

Linus: What exactly does this have to do with the Nintendo Wii?

Snufflefungus: It’s an expressionist piece! He’s trying to show us how fun the Wii will be!

Linus: I can see the promotional material now: “Play the Wii! It’s just as fun as getting your limbs severed in a freak furniture accident, and it costs more money!”

Malex: I hate you both.

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Aisling

Release manager: Alex Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Buzz Box for use of the Book Slap 5 sound effect.

Thanks to Buzz Box for use of the Book Slap 6 sound effect.

Thanks to Buzz Box for use of the Book Slap Thud 1 sound effect.

Thanks to Buzz Box for use of the Hit Rattle sound effect.

Thanks to Bebops for use of the Fire sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.