~~ Introduction

Malex: Well, here we are, guys!

Snufflefungus: (Surprise and elation.) We didn’t crash this time!

Linus: No, Snuffy. We didn’t crash.

Echofly: Where exactly are we, anyway?

Malex: As I understand it, this moon is essentially on the way to everywhere. Something of a crossroads, or so I’m told. Anyway, the whole thing is just one big interstellar trading post.

Echofly: Like a huge bazaar?

Malex: More or less.

Snufflefungus: (Very surprised.) We didn’t crash!

Linus: Well if it’s a problem, I’m sure we can arrange an extra crash just for you.

Malex: If anybody knows about Snuffy’s planet, we should be able to find out about it here. It’s not very civilized though, so we should all stick together!

~~ They leave the ship and enter the bazaar.

Linus: Oh look! I know the docking computer’s language! I’ll be off having a conversation you wouldn’t understand; see ya’!

Echofly: Ooh, those look pretty!

Snufflefungus: And there’s a tree growing over there! I’m going to go talk to it!

Echofly: Aren’t these pretty?

Malex: Nice, grand. Snuffy! Linus! Guys, come back here; it’s not safe!

Snufflefungus: Aw, but I wanted to have a talk with the tree! I’m sure he’s got lots of neat stories to tell…

Echofly: Gosh, Malex. We’ve been stuck on that stupid spaceship for weeks, and you don’t even want us to have any fun!

Malex: No fun? If you’re not careful, you could offend somebody.

Echofly: So?

Malex: If you offend somebody, they’re liable to saw off a hand and put it in their collection of things they’ve never seen before!

Snufflefungus: Sounds like fun!

Malex: Where’s Linus, anyway?

Echofly: Probably off talking to his new best friend.

Snufflefungus: But I thought I was Linus’s best friend!

Malex: Well there’s no help for it now – he’s long gone. Still, as crippled as he is in that laptop, I expect him to be able to take care of himself.

Echofly: So what’s the plan now?

Malex: Find somebody to ask about Snuffy’s home planet, I guess.

Echofly: How are you going to pick somebody? There are aliens all over the place…

Malex: Excuse me, Sir or Madame, but may I have a moment of your time? I’m sure you’re very busy, but this won’t take a minute. I was just wondering if you were familiar with the species of my furry little friend here! See, he’s short and stout and fuzzy, and we’re trying to find out what planet he came from.

Snufflefungus: Yes, see… I’m fuzzy.

~~ Awkward silence.

Echofly: Malex, maybe he… she… it… doesn’t understand English?

Malex: Oh, nonsense, nonsense! A classy beast like yourself must surely be familiar with a multitude of languages. So as I was saying, we’re looking for any information we can about this chap’s home planet… So, if you know anything… Or… Perhaps… Anyway, if this is a bad time, we could come back later.

Merchant: What business do you have with my pack animal?!

Echofly: Good grief…

Malex: A pack animal? A Pack animal! Of course…

Merchant: Yes, well what business do you have with my pack animal anyway?!

Pack Animal: (Grunts.)

Malex: It’s… (Conspiratorially.) a secret. Anyway, I have a few questions for you if you have a moment to answer them.

Merchant: (Suspiciously.) Alright… But I’m warning you – I shall scream.

Malex: Yes, I’m sure you shall. Regardless, I’m looking for any information you might have–

Merchant: Well I never!

Malex: Um… Information about my friend.

Merchant: (Horrified.) Oh!

Echofly: (Warning.) Malex…

Malex: My friend is this little fuzzball…

Merchant: Oh! (Slaps Malex.)

Malex: She slapped me!

Snufflefungus: I’m just fuzzy!

Malex: We’re just looking for his home planet!

Merchant: Help! Police! Help!

Echofly: Malex, this looks like trouble!

Snufflefungus: They have hand saws!

Malex: Everybody… Run!

Policemen: Run, run as fast as you can! You can’t get away from the police-man!

Echofly: I don’t know which is worse: The prospect of having my hands sawn off, or knowing that little rhyme will run through my head forever!

Snufflefungus: Look! I can hop backwards!

Malex: I just hope that Linus got back to the ship before we did!

~~ Our characters enter the ship and lock it down.

Malex: Okay, I’m prepping it for launch!

Linus: Hi guys! Have a good time?

Snufflefungus: We almost died!

Malex: What happened to the shipboard computer?!

Linus: My friend helped me put it back to English, and he also pointed out Snuffy’s home planet on your star chart!

Echofly: Great, let’s get out of here!

Malex: It won’t do us any good! Those ruffians behind us are prepping their own spaceship! They really are ready to chase us forever!

Linus: Then I started talking with my friend about life, the universe, and everything.

Snufflefungus: Oh? What happened after that?

Linus: He decided it would be better to explode than keep thinking about it.

Echofly: What?!

Linus: Oh, don’t worry, he promised to wait until we had lifted off.

~~ Explosion.

Malex: Hold on, everybody!

Echofly: What happened?!

Malex: The whole spaceport exploded! The cop ship didn’t make it!

Snufflefungus: Woo! We’re safe!

Malex: Dang it… It took me forever to clear my name after Icepunk and I had our last major scrape with the universe. Now I’m probably a wanted criminal again.

Echofly: It can’t be all bad; we know where Snuffy’s home planet is now!

Snufflefungus: My planet! Yay!

Malex: I’m setting the course now.

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Madame Librarian as Echofly and the Merchant.

Post-processing director: Alex Markley

Release manager: Alex Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Alchemical for use of the Market Walk sound effect.

Thanks to Freq. Man for use of the Explosion Firecracker Slowed sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.