~~ Introduction

Malex: Well, there it is.

Snufflefungus: That thing is emitting a distress signal?

Linus: So it would appear.

Echofly: It doesn’t look like much…

Malex: Life pods rarely are much.

Linus: Well, what are you planning to do with it?

Malex: Well reel it in, of course. What do you expect me to do, leave it out here?

Echofly: With Linus, that probably is what he was thinking.

Snufflefungus: I wonder if somebody interesting is aboard?

Linus: Just do what you want. Go ahead and waste our fuel – see if I care…

Malex: So what I’m doing now is matching our rotation and drift to the life pod, so we can scoop it into the airlock.

Echofly: Is there enough room to do that?

Malex: We’ll find out in a moment…

Snufflefungus: Like maybe a rock star! I bet that’s it. Or a famous politician!

Linus: Wouldn’t a politician be infamous?

Echofly: Besides, I thought we were talking about interesting people.

Malex: Aha! The pod is in place, the space door is sealed, and the outer chamber is pressurizing. Victory is mine!

Echofly: Whatever you say.

Snufflefungus: I bet it is a politician.

Linus: We’ll know in a minute.

Malex: Alright, let’s open it up and see who’s inside!

~~ Life pod depressurizes with a hiss.

Echofly: Oh great.

Linus: There’s nothing inside!

Snufflefungus: Not even a politician!

Malex: It may not have been a politician, but a gust of hot air is the next best thing.

~~ Laugh track.

Echofly: What?! Malex, did you just put in a laugh track?!

Malex: No! I didn’t! I have no idea what that was!

Snufflefungus: Maybe we all imagined it at once!

Linus: Hardly! I heard it, and being a computer makes me invulnerable to your–

~~ Laugh track.

Linus: Help!

Echofly: There it is again!

Malex: Maybe if we ignore it, it’ll go away.

Echofly: So how do we do that?

Malex: Let’s avoid giving it anything to laugh about and just keep quiet.

~~ Silence.

Snufflefungus: We should all keep still, too; it’s sight is probably based on movement.

~~ Laugh track.

Linus: (Screams.) It’s after us! It’s going to kill us all!

Echofly: What are we going to do?!

Malex: Wait! Wait… I have an idea.

Linus: Yeah?

Malex: We should kill it somehow!

Echofly: That’s it?! What are we going to kill it with?!

Snufflefungus: Here, use this!

Echofly: A battle ax?!

~~ Laugh track continues.

Echofly: What is a battle ax doing in your spaceship?!

Malex: It’s a long story. Snufflefungus, hand that here!

Snufflefungus: No hands to hand with, but I can float it to you!

Malex: Here, laughing demon! Take that!

Linus: Where is it coming from?!

Malex: I don’t know!

Echofly: Stop swinging that thing around!

Malex: Must… kill… laughing… demon!

Linus: Malex, maybe this thing isn’t a tangible entity!

Echofly: Yeah, what if we can’t kill it?

Snufflefungus: I think that if two plus two equals four, and two times two equals four, than ten times ten should equal twenty.

~~ Laugh track continues.

Malex: Hideous laughing thing! Why won’t you make like a tree and grow away!

~~ Laughing demon screams and stops laughing.

Malex: (Gasps.) I think I hurt it!

Echofly: Punning is like smoking. It hurts everybody.

Malex: But maybe we could use it as a sort of chemotherapy! Maybe we could pun this thing to death without sending us all mad.

Linus: You know, it was a long time ago; and I never inhaled the smoke anyway.

Snufflefungus: And I never swallowed it!

~~ Laughing demon starts booing.

Malex: Come on, guys, we’ve got to make puns to kill this thing!

Linus: Puns?

Snufflefungus: You mean, like, “Air today, gone tomorrow?”

~~ Laugh track screams again.

Malex: Yeah, that works.

Linus: Great! Puns are fun!

Malex: Keep it up, guys! It’s squealing like a pig!

Echofly: So when it dies, can we send it away in the hambulance?

~~ Laugh track dies horribly.

Malex: Wow, okay…

Echofly: That was more than a little creepy.

Snufflefungus: The horror is over!

Linus: Hey guys, I didn’t freak out there. Not at all.

Malex: Well, that’s over with… Onward!

Echofly: You are such a weirdo…

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Madame Librarian as Echofly.

Post-processing director: Alex Markley

Release manager: Alex Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Mega Mart for use of the Spray sound effect.

Thanks to Dobroide for use of the Metal sound effect.

Thanks to C.D.R.K. for use of the Scream sound effect.

Thanks to Studio Rat for use of the Scream Boom sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.