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Malex Minute 032
The Malex Minute
Submitted by Alex on Fri, 10/13/2006 - 5:20pm
Malex and friends crash-land on a planet and encounter a group of Splickies! You should be familiar with Peter’s Splicky Missions if you really want to fully appreciate this one. 
Transcript
~~ Introduction
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, everybody! I’m Malex, and I’m preparing to land a spaceship in an incredibly difficult situation!
Linus: That’s right, we’re essentially out of fuel from our long journey, nobody understands what the shipboard computer is saying, and the planet below could very well be populated by hostiles or utterly devoid of fuel!
Echofly: Ooh, that forest looks pretty.
Malex: I’m not landing on trees! Trees stab spaceships!
~~ The ship emits a warning cry.
Snufflefungus: I like tea!
Malex: I really wish these charts were being displayed in English…
Linus: So this is it then. We’re all going to die.
Snufflefungus: Iced tea, hot tea, green tea – it doesn’t matter!
Echofly: The pretty forest is starting to look awfully ominous…
Snufflefungus: I especially like earl grey tea!
Linus: Arrgh! We’re going to crash!
Echofly: Go right!
Linus: Left!
Snufflefungus: Down!
Malex: Will you all stop back-seat driving!
~~ Violent landing.
Malex: Is everybody okay?
Snufflefungus: I can’t feel my arms.
Linus: Nothing like an old-fashioned crash-landing to make you feel alive.
Echofly: But you’re not alive.
Linus: Shut up.
Malex: Miraculously, I think we’ve managed to avoid destroying anything. The ship seems to be perfectly happy, except for the fact that we’re now completely out of fuel.
Echofly: So let’s just go buy some.
Linus: Sister, you have no idea how hard that’s going to be.
~~ Ship door opens, and heroes emerge.
Echofly: Will you stop being so negative all the time?! It’s getting on my nerves.
Malex: Actually, he’s right.
Snufflefungus: Ooh! Trees!
Echofly: What do you mean, “He’s right?”
Malex: Well, we have no money to buy fuel with. And, to add insult to injury, there’s nobody here from which we could buy fuel.
Snufflefungus: Why not?
Malex: We’re in the middle of a huge forest, Snufflefungus. I can’t be sure, but I really doubt I saw anything even vaguely resembling a spaceport on the way down.
Snufflefungus: Bad trees! Bad!
Echofly: Well what were you thinking landing us in the middle of a forest?!
Malex: Remember the whole crash landing thing? I did the best I could.
Echofly: So what are we going to do?
Linus: Accept our fate!
Malex: Well, this ship is several years old, but it was top-of-the-line when it was new. At least, that’s what I was told. Anyway, it has this neat feature where you can feed it practically any energy-rich substance and it’ll convert it into fuel. It’s even surprisingly efficient, too… all things considered.
Echofly: So let’s throw some plants in there and go.
Malex: No, it’s gotta have a lot more energy than that. Like… Plutonium.
Snufflefungus: Plutonium is rare.
Malex: Well, I think our best bet is to look around a bit and see what we see. This portable sensor came in the ship’s glove box, and I think it will go off if we come anywhere near a good source of fuel.
Splicky 1: Screams and runs.
Malex: What was that?!
Snufflefungus: It came from that little guy over there!
Echofly: Oh wow, he’s only a few inches tall! We must have scared him!
Linus: Sure. Malex almost stepped on him. That would scare anybody out of ten years’ growth.
Snufflefungus: Look at the little guy run! He’s so cute…
Splicky 1: (In the distance.) Giants! Monsters! Help!
Malex: Hey, he just… spoke.
Linus: He sure did.
Echofly: Maybe they have fuel!
Snufflefungus: We should follow him!
Malex: Hey, look at that! There’s a whole mess of them!
Linus: Why do I suddenly feel hungry?
Echofly: Linus, how could you? They’re cute!
Snufflefungus: Besides, you’re a laptop!
Splicky 2: (On a loud-speaker.) Listen up, young splics! The Splicky Mission is about to begin!
Malex: Splicky Mission?
Splicky 2: Today’s Splicky Mission is simple! Be the first splic to stand on your platform, and you will receive four fifty-jewel stones!
Echofly: Is he kidding? Just stand on a platform? That… It’s easy.
Malex: Hey, are those stones the prize? They’re emitting enough energy to send us to the next planet easy.
Splicky 2: Ready? Go!
Echofly: Um… Malex?
Malex: Yeah?
Echofly: They can’t do it.
Malex: Yeah.
Linus: Ha! One of them just got a shovel and started digging underneath his platform!
Malex: That one over there is just sitting on his.
Echofly: That one… just set his on fire.
Snufflefungus: You know guys, the concept of standing can be kinda hard. Especially if you were born without arms or legs.
Linus: Why is one of the platforms empty?
Malex: One of the contestants must be missing.
Snufflefungus: Over there! The one we scared is crying over by that tree!
Malex: Ouch.
Echofly: Good one, genius.
Linus: I still say they make me hungry. They seriously look like little salad toppings.
Echofly: Snufflefungus, why don’t you and I go over and try to talk to him? We’re probably the least scary of our group.
Snufflefungus: Okay!
Malex: Hey, wait! Try to talk him into a deal! If he agrees to split the prize with you, you can explain to him how to win the prize!
Echofly: Will do…
Linus: Man, I hope they don’t screw up.
~~ Over by the tree.
Snufflefungus: Hi there! I’m really sorry we scared you. My friend is just a big oaf, but he doesn’t mean any harm.
Splicky 1: Really?
Echofly: Really!
Splicky 1: So I can stop being scared now?
Snufflefungus: Yes!
Splicky 1: Yay!
Echofly: So, are you competing in the Splicky Mission over there?
Splicky 1: Oh yeah! I should really go do that.
Echofly: Do you think you can win?
Splicky 1: Not really.
Snufflefungus: We can help you win!
Splicky 1: Really?
Echofly: If you promise to share the prize with us, we will!
Splicky 1: Okay! So what do I do?
Snufflefungus: Just go over there and stand on your platform!
Splicky 1: I don’t understand.
Echofly: You see that platform over there? The one that doesn’t have a Splicky on it?
Splicky 1: Yes.
Echofly: All you have to do is go stand on it.
Snufflefungus: Do you understand?
Splicky 1: No. What is standing?
Snufflefungus: Um… It’s where you have legs, and… you use them.
Splicky 1: Is standing like running?
Snufflefungus: I give up.
Echofly: Well, standing is like running only without the running part.
Splicky 1: So am I standing right now?
Echofly: No, you’re sitting.
Splicky 1: What’s the difference? Can you show me?
Echofly: Well, no. I’m kinda crouched down to avoid scaring all your friends over there.
Snufflefungus: I can show you the difference! This is sitting, and this is standing.
Echofly: Snuffy, you’re not helping.
Splicky 1: I didn’t see the difference.
Snufflefungus: It’s very subtle.
Echofly: Snuffy, you have telekinesis, right?
Snufflefungus: Yup!
Echofly: Can you make him go over and stand on his platform?
Snufflefungus: It’s a pretty far distance from here to there, but I’ll try…
~~ Back over by Malex and Linus.
Malex: Do you think they’re making any progress over there?
Linus: Ah, who cares. Ha! That one just put some kind of sauce on his platform, and now he’s trying to eat it!
Malex: I just wonder if this plan is going to work, that’s all…
Linus: And that one just dropped his off a cliff! This is priceless! I would seriously pay to watch this.
Malex: I mean, if we don’t get the fuel, not only can we not save Snuffy’s family, but we’ll end up stranded here!
Linus: And that one is… floating over the crowd toward his platform?!
Malex: Oh my.
~~ Back over by Echofly and Snufflefungus.
Splicky 2: What’s this? What’s this?! Never in all the history of historical events has such a thing been witnessed by Splickan eyes! This brave splic has managed, somehow, to float – yes Ladies and Gentlemen, float – over to his platform.
Echofly: You know, Snuffy, I was hoping you would find a less obvious way of moving him.
Snufflefungus: Shh, don’t break my concentration or I’ll drop him.
Splicky 2: And even more astonishingly, we have our first ever winner in the Splicky Mission contest!
~~ Back in the spaceship.
Echofly: Well that was something of a narrow escape.
Malex: Interesting though… Those Splickies must have a really high tolerance for radiation. It was risky enough just carrying that stuff to the ship.
Snufflefungus: At least we have fuel now!
Linus: Barely enough to break orbit, set a course, and land somewhere else.
Malex: Well, I’m not terribly worried. I’m sure we’ll catch a break next time around.
Echofly: Oh, of course.
~~ End
Credits
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Madame Librarian as Echofly.
Post-processing director: Alex Markley
Release manager: Alex Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to S. Verga for use of the Birds In Spring sound effect.
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.
Media Downloads
| Name | Size | Action |
|---|---|---|
| Episode Audio | 4.97 MB |   |
| Classic Malex Minute Illustration | 309.15 KB |  |
| | | | |
Comments
yay!
I'm so glad that I didn't ruin this episode.
The thing to remember George is that, monkey spit tastes very much like bananas.
God answers my prayers. He lifts me up. He gives me my breaths and refills my cup.
Awesome
Malex: Will you all stop back-seat driving!
Nobody: (Violent landing.)
Malex: Is everybody okay?
Snufflefungus: I can't feel my arms.
This is DEFINATELY the best Malex Minute to date
I LOVE THOSE SPLICS!!!!!
-----------------------
Fear of the Week:
Paraskavedekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th
SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano
Laughing so hard
It was funny enough when I came up with the idea when I was bored at work. (seriously imagine a completely quite office building with people all around me and I start laughing for no apperent reason that they can see) Actually hearing it. *falls over* LOL!
Awesome job guys!
ML weren't we supposed to wage war on the north by now?
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
ROTFLOL!!!!!!
"So, young splic, how is it you managed to succeed at the splicky mission?"
"Lobsters! Oh."
The cuteness........
IT'S JUST TO MUCH MAN!!!!! 
--
Procrastinators unite! Tomorrow.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
I think
I think he said monsters
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Yeah...
The computer alteration makes it really hard it make out, but it went something like this:
Splicky 2: So, young splic, how was it that you managed to succeed at the splicky mission?
Splicky 1: Monsters!
Splicky 2: Hmm...
---------------------
"Bill Clinton thinks, therefore he is."
"It depends on what your definition of 'is' is."
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
The best yet
Linus: I still say they make me hungry. They seriously look like little salad toppings.
I laughed so much over this line that I had to stop the Minute because I was missing it! Linus is such a brute!
Snuffy meets the splickies! It's wonderful! And the splickies' voices are SO cute!
A few critical comments: The lines move quickly enough, that laughter causes me to miss some. Also, the sound is still uneven. One voice or another will often be hard to hear. And sometimes lines are not easy to understand.
But I really loved this episode. These are not big problems. I usually listen to the Minute several times anyway, and eventually I stop laughing enough to hear it all. And there's always the script for clarification.
------------------------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Yes...
Malex and I were having some trouble with the splicky voices, in that they were difficult to understand if I had them the way I wanted them. But he was running late, so he wanted us to come up with something quickly. So, artistic touch ended up taking precident over clarity.
---------------------
"Bill Clinton thinks, therefore he is."
"It depends on what your definition of 'is' is."
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
Oh well
Well, I love the voices, and the script helps.
------------------------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Yeah
Thank you all so much for your comments!
We did end up having to make some quality concessions to get the episode out when we did. Still, I'm quite happy with it.
--Alex Markley
What do you call a morbidly obese drug dealer? That's right! The Doughsbury Pill-Boy!
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
way ahead of you...
you know the slaughter we inflicted on MS today? yeah. that was me. I arranged for my cousin Guido to make the Michigan coach an offer he couldn't refuse. he didn't.
Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.
And as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow.
"Shadow," said he,
"Where can it be--
This land of Eldorado?"
I hope and pray that none may kill me,
Nor I kill any, with woundings grim,
But if ever any should think to kill me,
I pray Thee, God, let me kill him.
nice!
Between the offer and a little of my magic did a good job except for that one touchdown.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Oh wow!
I really like this one. I like the way the Splickies sound. And, at the beginning, the sound of the computer talking is really interesting. How did you do it?
------------------------------
"And tell Graham - tell him: see. ... Tell him to see. And tell Merrill to swing away." - Signs
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Aliens
I just went on down to the corner store, which is owned by this alien named Flxajusi. (You know Flxajusi, right?) Anyways, I said to him, "Flxajusi, can you holler for a bit in your native language?"
"Sure thing!" he said, so he did!
The only hard part was making it sound like it was coming from a computer...
--Alex Markley
What do you call a morbidly obese drug dealer? That's right! The Doughsbury Pill-Boy!
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
well
the touchdown wasn't a big deal; we still won by some ungodly margin. did you hear their fans left after halftime? our fans would NEVER do that, no matter how bad we were getting shellacked. ah well
Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.
And as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow.
"Shadow," said he,
"Where can it be--
This land of Eldorado?"
I hope and pray that none may kill me,
Nor I kill any, with woundings grim,
But if ever any should think to kill me,
I pray Thee, God, let me kill him.
Shellacked
What a great word.
Yeah apperently MSU doesn't have too many real fans.
I'm just trying to figure out what I'm going to do for the next game. It isn't on normal TV or normal cable
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
dandy
I'll have to keep up with it on the net like I did last week. there's a good chance I'll get to watch the michigan game @work, though...I love my job...
Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.
And as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow.
"Shadow," said he,
"Where can it be--
This land of Eldorado?"
I hope and pray that none may kill me,
Nor I kill any, with woundings grim,
But if ever any should think to kill me,
I pray Thee, God, let me kill him.
...
------------------------------
"And tell Graham - tell him: see. ... Tell him to see. And tell Merrill to swing away." - Signs
Everything looks perfect from far away.
This is great!
I don't know how you do it Malex, but they keep getting better!
You would think that there would
be a point where it wouldn't be possible to be any more funny, but no! It just won't stop!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Come now children what's wrong? You should be panting with delight!
#HowManyLicksDoesItTake to change a lightbulb?