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Malex Minute 020
The Malex Minute
Submitted by Alex on Fri, 07/21/2006 - 12:14am
Snufflefungus comes down with (and recovers from) a bout of depression-itis, and Little Red Riding Squirrel comes bearing doom and destruction.
Transcript
~~ Introduction
Malex: So when I bought my copy of Zelda: Minish Cap, I pre-ordered Super Monkey Ball Adventures because it said that you would get a free monkey plushy with a pre-order.
Snufflefungus: I like monkey plushies!
Malex: So I start talking to the girl behind the counter about random stuff or whatever, I check out, and I leave. By the time I get home, though, I realize that I didn’t get my free monkey plushy!
Linus: Why do you even want a monkey plushy?
Snufflefungus: I want a monkey plushy…
Malex: I don’t. Not really. It’s just the principle of the thing!
Linus: Sure it is.
Snufflefungus: Can– Can I have the monkey plushy?
Malex: So I drive all the way back over there to get it, right? And guess what! You don’t even get the stupid plushy until you go to pick up your pre-order.
Linus: What a shame.
Malex: Well I drove all the way over there, so yeah – it’s a shame.
Snufflefungus: If I can’t have a plushy, I think I’m going to go hug myself for a while.
Linus: Good grief, what happened to our spring of infinite joy over there?
Malex: I don’t know. I guess everybody’s got to feel down sometimes. It’s only natural.
Linus: He’s a talking, hopping, furry ball of joy. What’s not unnatural about that?
Malex: Hey Snuffy, are you okay?
Snufflefungus: Yeah, I think I’m coming down with a bit of depression-itis. I think I just need to hug myself for a while, and I’ll be okay.
Malex: I didn’t realize it was possible to be so cute that hugging yourself would relieve depression.
Linus: Since when is depression a disease?
Snufflefungus: I just realized something.
Malex: What’s that, Snuffy?
Snufflefungus: I don’t have any arms, so I can’t hug myself no matter how hard I try.
Linus: That goes without saying. The real question is, how long did you try before you realized that it was impossible?
Snufflefungus: (Sounds sad.) I dunno… a while, I guess.
Malex: Aw, Snufflefungus, is there anything we can do for you?
Snufflefungus: You mean, besides a hug?
Linus: Heaven forbid.
Snufflefungus: Can I have the monkey plushy when you get it?
Malex: Yes, Snufflefungus; you may.
Snufflefungus: (Cheering up.) Thank you! I’m feeling better already!
Linus: Great one, Malex. You’ve taught him to associate tangible possessions with happiness, and you know that that’s completely impossible to maintain!
Malex: I’m sorry, what could I do?
Linux: Well it’s too late now. Gosh…
Snufflefungus: Wait! Do you guys hear something?!
Malex: I don’t know. What am I listening for?
Linus: My stupid laptop body has the worst microphone, so I can’t hear– Wait! I hear it! It’s– It’s–
Little Red Riding Squirrel: It’s’a me; Little Red Riding Squirrel!
Malex: Good grief! Will you never leave us in peace?!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Ha ha, why would I want to do that?
Malex: I don’t know, because it would be the right thing to do?
Snufflefungus: Hey, Little Red Riding Squirrel… Is it just me, or is your voice higher-pitched now?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: It is indeed higher-pitched! I wasn’t happy with my old voice because it wasn’t creepy enough, so I had it surgically altered!
Malex: You can get your voice surgically altered now? Who would have thought…?
Linus: I think I like the new voice, Little Red Riding Squirrel.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Thank you!
Malex: So what are you doing here, anyway?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I’m here to add a little spice to your lives! I’m here to fix a problem that you’ve complained about in almost every episode!
Snufflefungus: Wait, you listen to the Malex Minute?
Malex: Our lives don’t need any more spice! Whatever you’re going to do, just don’t! I mean, leave us alone!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: (Laughs.) It’s too late for that!
Snufflefungus: What do you mean by that?!
Linus: You know, Snuffy, I just realized that I just love your hair!
~~ Horrified silence.
Malex: (Screams.)
Snufflefungus: (Screams.)
Malex: Demon Squirrel! What have you done?!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I just took the edge off of your laptop’s personality!
Snufflefungus: I think I liked him better the old way.
Malex: Never mind how you managed to change Linus’s personality. Just put it back the way it was!
Linus: I think this room could do with more flowers…
Snufflefungus: I definitely liked him better the old way.
Malex: Oh, great. Linus is floating away. Snufflefungus, can you go after him and make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble?
Snufflefungus: Okay!
Malex: Well, Squirrel? What are you waiting for? Put Linus back to normal! Right now!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: That’s the best part! I can’t do it! If you want your laptop’s original personality back, you’ll have to go on a quest!
Malex: What if we don’t want to go on a quest?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: It’s your choice, my friend.
Malex: (Sighs.) What do we have to do?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Just step through this portal here, and your journey will begin!
Malex: Well, what have we got to lose? Thanks for listening, Ladies and Gentlemen, and I hope you’ll join us next week to see what happens next!
Snufflefungus: Malex! Come quick! Linus is whistling Take Me Out to the Ball Game and getting ready to bake cookies!
~~ End
Credits
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Alex Markley
Release manager: Alex Markley
Thanks to everyone for their help and support. 
Media Downloads
| Name | Size | Action |
|---|---|---|
| Episode Audio | 3.14 MB |   |
| Classic Malex Minute Illustration | 309.15 KB |  |
| | | | |
Comments
Odd...
Hmm... Something sounds really odd about this episode, but I'm having trouble placing it. Maybe we need new microphones.
Still, the episode itself is on time, so I'm not going to complain.
ttyl
--Alex Markley
And with that, the chubby one became illiterate with excitement.
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Linus bakes cookies?
Once again I bring up the issue on how?
But LoL that line killed me. I seriouly had to be laughing for 15 minutes.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Crying! *ow* Laughing so hard...
Oh man! Snufflefungus is so cute. The monkey plushie thing and then hugging himself. He is too cute!
But then the whole thing about LRRS changing his/her/its voice. It sounded horrible. Especially the when he said, "Thank you."
And Linus! Oh, wow! The thing about him liking Snuffy's hair...
I think I'm going to listen to it again.
------------------------------
"It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." - Sherlock Holmes in The Adventure of the Beryl Coronet
Everything looks perfect from far away.
LOL
Cookies... curse the cookies.
Ok thats awesome.
------------------------------
The good that I would, that I do not, but that which I would not, that I do.
There are three. Only three.
------------------------------
Gone
Linus?!
WHAT HAPPENED TO LINUS????!!!!!
BRING HIM BACK, PLEASE! I miss him...
"Complications arose, ensued... were overcome."
I hope and pray that none may kill me,
Nor I kill any, with woundings grim,
But if ever any should think to kill me,
I pray Thee, God, let me kill him.
Someone needs to bring back linus's attitude
Gee... I've been thinking, you would assume someone who could make a state of the art cuss filter could have a better security system on his laptop.
Cause this isn't the first time Linus has been invaded. remember Mr. Eyebrows
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Hmm.........
More havoc wrought by the Demon Squirell. What's next, a Karate Pigeon?
--
The circumference of a moose is Michael Palin with his face in a pie times Douglas Adams squared
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
Yes, but...
Mr. Eyebrows was satan incarnated as a computer virus. Whereas, LRRS is just ... horrible.
------------------------------
"It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." - Sherlock Holmes in The Adventure of the Beryl Coronet
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Hmm... Good question...
Will Linus ever be the same again? Good question...
--Alex Markley
And with that, the chubby one became illiterate with excitement.
Alex Markley
“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”
Cuddles
I need a Snuffy pluchie to cuddle!
Okay the thing with Linus just has to stop.
------------------------------
No more compromise, no more room for lies.
No more giving in to a world of sin.
-"No More Compromise" by Rubicon 7
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Oh dear...
Malex showed me a small preview of the next episode... fear, sorrow, panic, chaos, discord, and death... pretty much what we've come to expect from these three.
--
The circumference of a moose is Michael Palin with his face in a pie times Douglas Adams squared
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
dear Lord!
yes, Linus seems almost as susceptible to viruses as my own PC... HE'S NEVER COMING BACK, IS HE?or maybe they'll have to go on some amazing quest to restore good ol' Linus...or maybe this is some sick publicity stunt to get us all to listen to the Malex Minutes. that's it! this is all a twisted and sick attempt to put us in bondage to the Malex Minute! evil, evil Malex... YOU ARE NOT A NICE PERSON!!
I hope and pray that none may kill me,
Nor I kill any, with woundings grim,
But if ever any should think to kill me,
I pray Thee, God, let me kill him.
Wow!
You're working under the assumption that building up people's emotions about your fictional world was a good thing, and suddenly BAM! They're leaping wildly into the realm of harmful speculation and calling you bad things!
What is the world coming to?
---------------------
"O Death, where is your sting? O Grave, where is your victory?" 1 Corinthians 15:55
“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party
!
WAAAAAA *runs away*
------------------------------
The good that I would, that I do not, but that which I would not, that I do.
There are three. Only three.
------------------------------
Gone
...
*madamel suffers yet another nervous breakdown*
... stupid nervous breakdowns...
I hope and pray that none may kill me,
Nor I kill any, with woundings grim,
But if ever any should think to kill me,
I pray Thee, God, let me kill him.