~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody! Malex here, and I’ve just gotten back from Jeffrey’s horrible alternate reality. The Big Men With Clubs are forever trapped in said alternate reality, or so we hope. And, amazingly enough, Linus and Snufflefungus are back from their two-week grocery shopping trip! What did you bring back, guys?

Snufflefungus: Did we say grocery shopping? We meant vacation!

Linus: What he means is that we got lost coming home, and had to eat all of the rations just to survive!

Malex: But you don’t eat anything except electricity.

Linus: What are you implying?

Malex: Not much, apparently.

Snufflefungus: We got lost at a beach! It was so much fun!

Malex: Um… Right. Anyway, Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ve got a very special guest star today!

Snufflefungus: We do?

Linus: Good grief… When will this end?

Malex: You remember the cartoon we were talking about in Malex Minute Eight? Today, we’ll be talking to Quartz, the graphic designer and overall cool guy who is designing our characters and animating the cartoon!

Quartz: The most generic salutation seems appropriate here: hello.

Snufflefungus: Hey, you look awfully familiar…

Linus: Hmm. Well, he looks sturdier than the average moron that finds its way on our show.

Malex: Now now, don’t say things like that… Anyway, Quartz, what got you interested in graphic design?

Quartz: Well, most basically it was how easily it came to me and how much I loved it. Is your question very different from, “Why do you love it?”

Snufflefungus: Okay, I don’t think I know you.

Linus: Malex, where did you get this guy?

Malex: Um… Actually, Quartz, I was looking for a specific event or moment that really revealed your love of graphic design.

Quartz: Well, I’m sorry. There really isn’t one. I’ve loved drawing all my life, and computer graphics just seemed to be an extension of that for me.

Linus: You wouldn’t happen to be somewhat responsible for that horrible “Malex Media Network logo” animation, would you?

Quartz: Actually, yeah, I was involved.

Linus: ’Cause it was really bad. Like, “Oh look, my brain is fleeing my skull,” bad.

Snufflefungus: But you don’t have a brain!

Malex: Linus, since when do we have a policy of verbally attacking the interviewee?

Linus: Since forever, actually.

Snufflefungus: You don’t even have a skull for your brain to flee from!

Malex: Anyway, what can you tell us about the work you’re doing for this new cartoon?

Quartz: Well, right now we’re doing character and set sketches, but we’re nearing completion of those. Next we’ll be doing storyboards, which we’ll use to create an animatic.

Malex: And what precisely is an animatic?

Quartz: It’s where we – in this case, me – string the storyboards together over a scratch audio track, so the production crew can get a feeling for how that final animation will flow. It makes things easier.

Linus: Pathetic human! Doing a pre-animation animation? Can you get more preliminary than that?

Quartz: I don’t know, but if we need any ideas, we’ll be sure to come to you.

Snufflefungus: I think you lost me around the storyboard part… Can we go over that again?

Malex: So, can you tell us anything about the story of the cartoon?

Quartz: Not really. Hope that doesn’t ruin your day.

Snufflefungus: Well my day is ruined.

Linus: Score!

Malex: Linus, you know, I’m starting to think you’re due for a serious software upgrade.

Linus: Oh yeah? Just try it, geek boy!

Quartz: Are things always this insane around here?

Snufflefungus: Yeah.

Linus: Come on! What are you afraid of?

Malex: So Quartz, how are the character designs coming? Are you starting to really feel the characters?

Quartz: Oh yeah, all of the characters are really starting to materialize. Some of them are even starting to feel alive; especially Jack and Mulberry.

Linus: Ah-ha! You just revealed that it’s a Jack the Extroverted Teddy Bear cartoon!

Snufflefungus: I love Jack the Extroverted Teddy Bear!

Quartz: Uh, I meant something totally different! Like… Guy and His Sidekick: Foo.

Snufflefungus: I love that show too!

Malex: You hear that guys? The upcoming cartoon is about Jack and Mulberry! What good news!

Quartz: Arrgh… I’m so fired…

Malex: Well everybody, I think that’s probably it for today–

~~ Suddenly, the Big Men With Clubs materialize and get ready to bash Malex’s soul in.

Snufflefungus: Oh no! It’s the Big Men With Clubs!

Malex: Arrgh! I need my soul!

Linus: (Resigned.) Well, looks like all is lost, everybody…

Quartz: Quick, everybody; close your eyes! They believe that if you can’t see them, they can’t see you, so we’ll be safe that way!

Random Girl: (Suddenly materializes.) Ha-yaa! (Freezes Big Men With Clubs using Liquid Nitrogen Gun, then vanishes again.)

Snufflefungus: What just happened? I wasn’t looking.

Malex: That was interesting…

Linus: Some random girl just appeared and froze the big men with clubs.

Malex: Was that liquid nitrogen? Hmm…

Snufflefungus: Hey, Malex… Didn’t you buy any food while we were gone? There’s nothing good in the snack cupboard!

Linus: Yeah man, what did you do while we were gone, sit on your bum the whole time?

Malex: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we’d better end this episode before violence breaks out. Thanks for joining us, and I hope to see you next week on the Malex Minute!

~~ End

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers, with a guest appearance by Leela as the random girl.

Post-processing director: Alex Markley

Release manager: Alex Markley

Thanks to Cognito Perceptu for use of the Hammering sound effect.

Thanks to D.C. Audio for use of the Exiting Traffic Door sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.