Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gentlemen! My name is Alex Markley, and I’ll be hosting the show today along with Linus the laptop.

Linus: … Yup… I’m here too…

Malex: Yup, yup… I keep expecting the Snufflefungus to chime in.

Linus: That’s very unlikely, considering that he’s on a dangerous journey to the bowels of Hell to recover his lost memories which he was looking for when he broke into our studio at the beginning of the quarter. As an additional bit of weirdness, when we called the squeaky-voiced Satan on the phone to negotiate better shipping terms for the transaction of the memories, Mr. Eyebrows broke in and started bossing Satan around. So now the questions are: Who is Mr. Eyebrows? What does Satan want with Snufflefungus, much less his memories? When will I stop talking? All of this and more, in today’s episode of the Malex Minute!

Malex: … Was… Was that a teaser/recap?

Linus: Hey, I guess it was!

Malex: I think we should get on with today’s agenda. I was thinking we could go over the myriad of information from E3 today.

Linus: We could, but it wouldn’t be the same without Snufflefungus’s inane chatter.

~~ Scene change.

Mr. Eyebrows: Are we there yet?

Snufflefungus: No.

Mr. Eyebrows: Are we there yet?

Snufflefungus: No!

Mr. Eyebrows: Are we there yet?

Snufflefungus: Yes! Get out!

Mr. Eyebrows: But we’re going sixty miles an hour!

Snufflefungus: I don’t care! Get out or shut up!

Mr. Eyebrows: (Is silent for some time, but then begins to hum to himself.)

Snufflefungus: I’m not even kidding! Do you see me trying to drive here?

Mr. Eyebrows: How does that work, anyway? You don’t have any limbs.

Snufflefungus: I dunno… I guess it’s just my telekinesis.

Mr. Eyebrows: Since when do you have telekinesis?

Snufflefungus: Since forever! I don’t know… How else do you explain my ability to hold and move stuff?

Mr. Eyebrows: I guess I just never thought about it… Oh, take this exit.

~~ Scene change.

Malex: Okay, I give up. We just can’t function without Snufflefungus. (Sighs.) What should we do?

Linus: Well, we could see if there’s another fuzz-ball available on FleeceThem.com… I’m pretty sure I saw some the other day.

Malex: No way! I may be bitter, cynical, sarcastic, and disloyal to my friends, but I don’t trade in sentient beings!

Linus: Oh sure, and how is shopping at a pet store any different?

Malex: Cute as they are, those critters aren’t sentient.

Linus: How do you know that? Maybe they’re just introverted.

Malex: Just shut up and help me come up with ideas to help Snufflefungus.

Linus: How am I supposed to succeed at both at the same time?

Malex: Well I don’t know, but it doesn’t escape my notice that you’ve managed to fail at both quite proficiently.

Linus: You know what? All those times I called you a friend? I was lying.

~~ Scene change.

Mr. Eyebrows: Hey look! There it is!

Snufflefungus: You know, I would have expected something like that to show up on a map somewhere.

Mr. Eyebrows: You’d be surprised what you can do when you pull a string here and there. Shall we?

Snufflefungus: (Pushes door open and enters.) Hello?

Squeaky Satan: Why hello! Come on in! The threshold to my lair is down that way.

Snufflefungus: Hey, I know you! I should have recognized your voice!

Squeaky Satan: (Laughs.) Oh yes. Well, my days as a beloved, yet disgruntled cartoon character have come to a close. The position of Satan pays far better.

Snufflefungus: Wow… Who would have guessed?

Squeaky Satan: The threshold is just over here… You did bring my associate, didn’t you?

~~ Scene change.

Malex: So then the engineer says, “Parity? Who needs it!?” (Chuckles.)

Linus: You are such a dork.

~~ Phone rings.

Malex: Oh, I’ll get it!

Snufflefungus: Hey guys… I just thought I’d call to let you know that I made it okay.

Linus: Oh good!

Malex: Glad to hear it!

Snufflefungus: Also, Mr. Eyebrows transformed into a hideous, seven-foot beast when we crossed the threshold into Hell.

Linus: That can’t be good…

Snufflefungus: Oh, and my host has revealed that he has no intentions of letting me or my memories leave alive.

Squeaky Satan: (Evil laugh in the background.) I’m secretly evil!

Snufflefungus: I gotta go, this call is long-distance. If you could come and help or something, that would be good. (Hangs up.)

Malex: (Sighs.) Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess that’s all we have time for today. Until next week, thanks for listening to the Malex Minute!

Linus: I still say we write him off and get another fuzz-ball off the ’net. I swear, they’re only like $20.

Malex: Ahem. Today’s show was a production of the Malex Media Network. Visit us online at MalexMedia.Net, God Bless, and have a great day!

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Alex Markley

Release manager: Alex Markley

Thanks to Cognito Perceptu for use of the Highway Urban sound effect.

Thanks to S. Verga for use of the Birds In Spring sound effect.

Thanks to Heigh-Hoo for use of the Car Door Closed sound effect.

Thanks to Mich 3D for use of the Door Wood Open sound effect.

Thanks to Suonho for use of the Burning Room sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.