Snufflefungus’s memories are found in a land far away, and the journey to retrieve them begins!
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gentlemen! My name is Alex Markley (or Malex), and I’m hosting the show along with Linus the Laptop and Snufflefungus the Magnificent.
Snufflefungus: I’m so magnificent!
Linus: I’d protest, but it couldn’t matter less.
Malex: Today, I’d like to address that issue that’s been keeping us all up at night.
Linus: The spontaneous combustion of small animals has to stop!
Snufflefungus: I’m afraid for my life!
Malex: Simply ghastly! Anyway, after many weeks of research–
Linus: And many scorched animals!
Malex: –we at the research division of the Malex Media Network have finally found a solution to the problem!
Snufflefungus: It’s surprisingly simple!
Linus: The solution was in plain sight the whole time!
Malex: Everyone was making it more complex than it needed to be!
Snufflefungus: To protect your family and loved ones from the curse of the exploding mammals, simply–
~~ Phone rings.
Snufflefungus: Oh. I’ll get it.
Anonymous: Hello? Is this the Malex Minute?
Malex: Yes, you’re on the air! What can we do for you?
Anonymous: Nothing. You’re not even funny. However, I can do something for you.
Linus: We don’t want any. Remove us from your phone list. If you call again, I will kill you with nothing but words.
Anonymous: Relax, I’m not trying to sell anything. Jeez, don’t you guys know an anonymous tip when you get one?!
Snufflefungus: I’m sorry, this is my first anonymous tip. Should I be doing something differently?
Anonymous: Talk less, listen more. If you want your memories, go to FleeceThem.com. End of story. (Hangs up.)
Snufflefungus: FleeceThem.com? What’s that?
Malex: It’s, well, an ‘underground’ auction and trade site.
Linus: Let’s see what they have. Hmm… Seems like the ‘underground’ is a good place for the memories of dead celebrities.
Malex: It’s a very buyer-beware market.
Snufflefungus: Do they have Elvis?
Linus: Here we go!
Snufflefungus: The king!
Linus: Not Elvis, you dope. I’ve found your memories!
Malex: Really? Amazing! Lemme see…
Linus: Uh oh… This could be bad.
Snufflefungus: What? What?
Malex: Oh… This item up for sale by Satan.
Linus: And the only available method of delivery is pickup.
Snufflefungus: Oh my.
Malex: Well, it’s not terribly expensive. I can pay for this.
Snufflefungus: That’s so nice of you!
Malex: It’s the least I can do for a friend.
Linus: Why don’t we call this number and see if he’ll consent to ship it, since I don’t fancy going to Hell for anything.
Snufflefungus: I’ll call him up…
~~ Phone sounds.
Satan: (Squeaky.) Hello?
Malex: Hi. Um, may we speak to Satan please?
Satan: Oh, right. And you just assume I’m not him. It’s the voice, isn’t it? Well I may not have the manliest voice ever, but I’m still pretty powerful! I demand respect!
Linus: Oh, you’ve got it. Bucketloads.
Malex: Um, we were just calling about this item you have up for sale on FleeceThem.com. If we were to pay a little extra, could we have this thing shipped? I mean, it’s well out of our way to go pick it up, and we were hoping to get it quickly.
Satan: Oh, we could probably arrange something.
Mr. Eyebrows: Excuse me, but I think you should have them pick it up.
Satan: Is– Is it you?
Mr. Eyebrows: Yes, you dip-wit.
Satan: New terms! You don’t get the rodent’s memories until you bring the money and my associate to my lair!
Malex: Oh… Uh, sure! Whatever you say… We’ll, uh, see you around… (Hangs up phone.)
Linus: Great. Just great.
Snufflefungus: Okay, so when do we begin our quest?
Malex: Well, the journey will be long and hard, and should take weeks, so you’ll need lots of supplies.
Linus: We just went to the grocery store, so you should be able to get underway immediately.
Snufflefungus: Wait, I’m not going alone, am I?
Malex: Of course not! You’ll be taking Mr. Eyebrows with you!
Mr. Eyebrows: I know lots of car games. It’ll be fun!
Snufflefungus: What happened to “It’s the least I can do for a friend?”
Linus: It’s also the most he could do for a friend. The man has limits.
Malex: Don’t think of it as abandonment, think of it as holding down the fort!
Linus: Tactical support! Leading from the rear!
Snufflefungus: Or abandonment.
Malex: Well, look at the time! Thanks for joining us on the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed the show, and will join us next time to find out what happens to Snufflefungus the Traveler!
Mr. Eyebrows: It’ll be fun! I even know some songs for the road! We’re off to see the Satan; the horrible Satan of Hell.
Malex: That’s enough of that. Today’s episode was a production of the Malex Media Network. Visit us online at MalexMedia.Net. God Bless, and have a great day!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Alex Markley
Release manager: Alex Markley
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.