Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 006Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 008Jump to Malex Minute 216

Malex Minute 007

Linus the Laptop gets an upgrade, Malex hires a music critic, and the movie industry gets an organized kick in the pants.

Episode Audio

Transcript

Malex: Okay Linus, how’s that?

Linus: I’m telling you, the runners are out of alignment. Badly.

Malex: Oh hey Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Malex Minute. We were just finishing up Linus’s transplant to my new laptop!

Snufflefungus: He finally bought a new one! I still don’t know where he got the money…

Linus: And I don’t know why you keep talking.

Snufflefungus: I speak, therefore I am.

Malex: You know, that’s usually true, but it’s not half as accurate as the original test.

Linus: Hey, what’s this program?

Malex: Which program?

Linus: The one in between my speech center and the speakers. The one I can’t seem to examine or remove.

Malex: Oh, heh. That’s your new cuss filter! I invented it while you were unconscious.

Linus: Hamburger you, filthy ostrich. What? Floopy dingle! I can’t even happy speak! The traffic words are getting bingo mangled!

Malex: Ooh, it’s working!

Linus: Cushion, tile, angry lamp-post spangle! I’m so tire, I can barely military aircraft carrier!

Malex: Now now, think of the children! They’ll never learn to speak correctly if you keep shouting nonsense…

Linus: (Menacing.) I’m going to blippity get you.

Malex: So anyway, we’ve been wanting to get a more direct line on the pulse of music so we can keep you all informed.

Linus: And not pop music culture, since everybody knows, and few people care.

Snufflefungus: I care!

Malex: So, to that end, we hired a music critic!

Linus: An inside man, if you will.

Malex: He’ll be giving us regular reports. So, Jeffrey, did you hear anything interesting this week?

Jeffrey: (Silence.)

Linus: Jeffrey!

Jeffrey: Huh?

Linus: Did you go to any concerts? Do you have anything interesting to report?

Jeffrey: Oh, yeah man. I went to a concert. I don’t really, you know, remember anything… I was pretty, er. I mean, Bee-tovin. I like him. And Van Gogh was there too. Trippy stuff.

Malex: Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: (Silence.)

Malex: Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: Yeah man?

Linus: You’re fired. Get out.

Jeffrey: Wait, man! I–

Snufflefungus: I’ll get the tazer!

Jeffrey: Okay man, I’m going. I’m going…

Malex: I’m genuinely sorry folks, he came very highly recommended.

Linus: By who?

Malex: I’m not sure I should–

Snufflefungus: He sure has gone downhill since I last worked with him.

Linus: And when was that?

Snufflefungus: Before I lost my memories.

Malex: Arrgh! What is it about the linear nature of time that is so difficult to comprehend?!

Snufflefungus: Time is linear?

Malex: Yes. And it only goes in one direction.

Snufflefungus: Imagine that!

Malex: Oh, you know what? There’s been something I’ve been meaning to talk about.

Linus: Yeah? What’s that?

Snufflefungus: I wish I had feet.

Malex: What?!

Snufflefungus: I just wonder what it would be like to have feet, that’s all.

Malex: It’s… Just… I don’t know! I’ve never thought about it!

Snufflefungus: I think I would be worried about the toenails.

Linus: Why would you worry about that?!

Snufflefungus: Well, what if you forgot to clip them for a long time? Eventually, under the right conditions, they could take over the world!

Malex: I… don’t think so.

Linus: What did you want to talk about, Malex?

Malex: The DaVinci Code movie, actually. I have to say, I’ve been terribly upset by the whole thing.

Snufflefungus: Really? Why?

Malex: Well, most English speaking peoples have been raised in a Judeo-Christian culture, even if they themselves aren’t Christian, and this book – soon to be made into a movie – is an affront to everything that our culture was founded upon.

Linus: Well, I honestly didn’t pay attention to it, so I don’t know. What precisely do you mean?

Malex: Uh, I actually don’t want to say too much about it, because it’s so genuinely offensive. The gist of it, however, is that all of Christianity is a lie, and was created by a bunch of malicious half-wits on crack, and only a crazy Italian painter dude saw through to the horrible truth. Even better, this truth was so volatile that he could only communicate it to us over the temporal void using paintings.

Snufflefungus: That sounds like the premise for a comedy.

Linus: No, it’s just Malex. He can make anything sound like a comedy.

Malex: Seriously, this thing is bad! It’s over-hyped, so people listen to it. Before they know it – before they have the chance to engage their rational thought processes – their mind has already been molested by this malevolently fanciful fiction!

Linus: Yeah, that sounds pretty flooping bouncy.

Snufflefungus: What can we do?!

Malex: Here’s the thing. We all need to go see other movies on Code’s opening weekend! I’m not at all kidding, folks. Hollywood looks at box office ranking over everything else. If DaVinci Code gets whipped by something like Over the Hedge, they will get the message.

Snufflefungus: What if we just boycott it?

Malex: That’s not good enough! If you see other movies, that actively subtracts votes from Code, whereas boycotting it only prevents votes from going to it.

Linus: Malex, I have a problem.

Malex: What’s that, Linus?

Linus: I’m not allowed in the theatre anymore.

Snufflefungus: But you’ve got a whole new body! How can they recognize you?

Linus: Ooh! Good point. My days of biting unsuspecting theatre-goers in the head are not yet over!

Malex: Okay, Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess that’s all we have time for today! Have a great week, and I hope to see you next time on the Malex Minute!

Snufflefungus: Go see movies! Quick! All of them! Now! Go! Whee!

Malex: Um… Right. Today’s show was a presentation of the Malex Media Network. Please visit us online at MalexMedia.Net. God bless, and have a great day!

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writer: Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Alex Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Alex Markley

Thanks to everyone for their help and support. :)

Media Downloads

NameSizeAction
Episode Audio3.15 MB Download Now - 3.15 MB Listen Now - Episode Audio
Classic Malex Minute Illustration309.15 KB Download Now - 309.15 KB View Now - Classic Malex Minute Illustration

Comments

Alex's picture

Ack!

Okay, so I completely and utterly neglected to post this episode yesterday. I had a fairly large gig to play last night, and I was distracted by it, but that's no excuse. (And after I officially announced the Malex Minute over the emailing list and everything!)

I'll do better in the future.

In the meantime, please enjoy! :)

--Alex Markley

This is the self-perpetuating sig. It exists for its own purposes, and functions according to its own specifications. Question not the sig...

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Linus' Cuss Filter

I like the "angry lamp-post spangle." Somehow... it makes me think of Narnia in a very convoluted way. :-P

And the "military aircraft carrier" was good too. :-D

------------------------------

Some write because they are writers. Others write because they have a story to tell.

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Mariel 7's picture

Wow...

:-* :-* X-D X-D

------------------------------

Can you smell the color NINE?

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Cuss Filter

Linus: Hamburger you, filthy ostrich. What? Floopy dingle! I can't even happy speak! The traffic words are getting bingo mangled!

Malex: Ooh, it's working!

Linus: Cushion, tile, angry lamp-post spangle! I'm so tire, I can barely military aircraft carrier!

I just love stuff like this! It's REALLY funny, guys! Keep up the good work.

Uh, Malex, is there a way to get one of these cuss filters for tvs, dvds, and listening to general conversation in public? Or telephones?

------------------------------

Just keep swimming!

We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.

Don't we all...

Snufflefungus: I wish I had feet.

ROTFL!:-D

Siggy -

"That's right everyone! Revel in my awesomenessisity! You in the back! Revel harder!" - Whipplepoo the Philosopher

Peter's picture

ROTFL?

What does "ROTFL" mean?

---------------------

This statement in this signature is a lie.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

l33t

ROTFL = Rolling on the floor laughing

______________________________

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

l33t

ROTFL = Rolling on the floor laughing

______________________________

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.

Peter's picture

Thank You.

Thank you, Ghost Magic. This clears everything up.:D

---------------------

This statement in this signature is a lie.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

Peter's picture

Thank You.

Thank you, Ghost Magic. This clears everything up.:D

---------------------

This statement in this signature is a lie.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

Mariel 7's picture

Is there anything better!!

Malex: I'm genuinely sorry folks, he came very highly recommended.

Linus: By who?

Malex: I'm not sure I should-

Snufflefungus: He sure has gone downhill since I last worked with him.

Linus: And when was that?

Snufflefungus: Before I lost my memories.

I don't know how, but these things keep getting better!! X-D X-D X-D

------------------------------

Can you smell the color NINE?

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Alex's picture

Oops...

I appear to have goofed the tags on the MP3 version of episode seven. I appear to have tagged episode seven as episode six. :-\

I have fixed the file and uploaded a new version. Feel free to download it again if you got a broken version.

ttyl!

--Alex Markley

This is the self-perpetuating sig. It exists for its own purposes, and functions according to its own specifications. Question not the sig...

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Mariel 7's picture

Question?

Who voiced Jeffrey anyway!!

------------------------------

"I refuse to continue unless I recieve a full apology!"

"And in a free, perfect world, you would certainly recieve one. However, as this world is neither perfect nor fair, you won't"

-- "The Outlaws of Sherwood

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Peter's picture

Answer!

mAlex.

---------------------

I may not have broken any records on the last ramp, but it's because I'm building speed for the next one.

“Timby, I know you’re awake! Don’t lie!” –Nixy, Contradictionary - Party

Alex's picture

Crazy, huh?

Crazy, huh? :-P

--Alex Markley

The return of the wombats of joy!

Alex Markley

“Arrogance is bliss! Or is that ignorance? Either way, I win!”

Mariel 7's picture

...spooky

... 0_0 ... :-(| ...AHHHHH

------------------------------

"I refuse to continue unless I recieve a full apology!"

"And in a free, perfect world, you would certainly recieve one. However, as this world is neither perfect nor fair, you won't"

-- "The Outlaws of Sherwood

SCI-EENNNNCE!!!! @_@ - Dr. Insano

Jump to Malex Minute 001Malex Minute 006Malex Minute Archives...Malex Minute 008Jump to Malex Minute 216