Linus the Laptop gets a virus. What will our heroes do? Can they rid their companion of a potentially fatal parasite? Will they even try? Find out in this thrilling installation of the Malex Minute!
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Malex Minute! My name is Alex Markley, and I’ll be hosting the show today, along with Linus the Laptop and Snufflefungus the Snufflefungus.
Snufflefungus: Finally! My dreams become blessed reality!
Linus: I’ve got bad news for you. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Snufflefungus: Sure it is! Fame! Fortune! Far-reaching influence! Did I mention fame and fortune?
Malex: Somehow, I doubt it.
Linus: See? Even you admit it!
Malex: Hey! We don’t have to be rich and famous to be successful. Already we’re seeing an increase in traffic from the promotion we’ve been doing for the show.
Linus: And then they realize their mistake and turn right around. Seriously, what’s the point? This show will never mean anything to anybody!
Malex: Bah! Laughing is important! People like to laugh!
Linus: Precisely my point.
Snufflefungus: You know, I’m starting to think that you’re just a little bit of a pessimist.
Linus: Surprise surprise, rodent.
Malex: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Let’s get over it, shall we?
Snufflefungus: So, what’s on the agenda for today?
Malex: Well, for one thing, I’ve been working on the website all week.
Snufflefungus: Oh? How interesting!
Linus: Oh yes. I’m sure everyone wants to hear about your magical adventures in PHP-land.
Malex: See, MalexMedia.Net is based on a project called Drupal, and there’s a new version coming out pretty soon. Once that new version arrives, it’ll give us the ability to do all kinds of wonderful new things.
Linus: (Sarcastic.) Do tell!
Snufflefungus: Dude, your glass-half-emptiness couldn’t get any worse if it tried!
Malex: (Awkward.) Anyway, we’ll be opening a new store on the website with a completely new line of products and services. We’ll be replacing the look and feel of the site with a completely new one. We’re even re-writing our media back-end to support new and wonderful things. Altogether, everything is grand.
Linus: No, everything is not grand! Nothing is grand! Or okay! Or– (Stuttering.)
Malex: Linus? Linus! What’s the matter?
Linus: (Sounds evil.) Whoa. Hey! My voice sounds evil and stuff!
Snufflefungus: Yup, definitely a pessimist.
Linus: I have a sudden urge to indoctrinate children and increase the national deficit.
Snufflefungus: Congratulations. You are now a politician. Or a college professor.
Malex: You know, I’ll bet you’ve gotten a virus, Linus.
Linus: Oh no! Not that! Anything but that!
Snufflefungus: I’m sorry old friend, is there anything we can do?
Linus: Shut up, dippy. I feel fine. Evil, but fine.
Malex: You know, it’s a good thing you’re not connected to the Internet, or you’d probably be spreading it around.
Linus: Good idea! I’ll go do that! (Evil laugh.)
Malex: Quick, Snuffy! Grab him!
Linus: Let me go! I’m warning you! I’ll bite!
Snufflefungus: Don’t go old buddy, old pal! It wouldn’t be the same without you!
Malex: You might have to get used to it, Snuffy. We may just have to put him down.
Snufflefungus: Oh, okay.
Linus: No! Blargh! Must… Inflict… Evil…
Malex: Linus! Linus, are you still in there?
Linus: No! My name is not Linus. My name is… Mr. Eyebrows!
Malex: Well Mr. Eyebrows, you see this?
Malex: It’s a portable computing device. A PDA. You can have it if you leave Linus for it.
Linus: Why would I do that?!
Malex: (Sing-song.) It’s 64-bit!
Linus: Ooh! Gimme!
Snufflefungus: Quick! Burn it!
Linus: (Back to normal.) You never told me you had a better computer!
Malex: I lied.
Mr. Eyebrows: What place is this?!
Linus: You know what? I think I’m dizzy.
Malex: Well, Mr. Eyebrows, you’re stuck in there now, and you’re isolated from the network.
Mr. Eyebrows: What are you going to do with me?!
Malex: I’m going to leave you on the shelf up there until you’ve learned a lesson and curbed your anti-social behavior.
Snufflefungus: Is that the new, politically-correct way of saying ‘pure evil?’
Malex: Yeah, you’ve just gotta stay up on this stuff.
Snufflefungus: People are so brittle!
Linus: Dude, I just had a virus over here. Are your attention spans so short?
Snufflefungus: One time, I got a tangle in my fur. Talk about pain.
Linus: I almost died!
Snufflefungus: Aw, we all have our little trials.
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, I think that’s all we have time for today. Thanks for listening, have a great week, and we’ll see you next time on the Malex Minute!
Mr. Eyebrows: Can I come down now?
Snufflefungus: Bad Mr. Eyebrows! Bad!
Malex: Today’s show was brought to you by the Malex Media Network. Please visit us online at MalexMedia.Net, God Bless, and have a great day!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Alex Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Alex Markley
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.