 |  |  |  |  |
Malex Minute 005
Submitted by Alex on Fri, 04/07/2006 - 10:04am
The return of the dreaded Little Red Riding Squirrel! (The fifth episode of the Malex Minute. This one is disturbing, yet hilarious!)
Transcript
Snufflefungus: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Snufflefungus Minute! I’m the Snufflefungus, and I’m hosting the show!
~~ Silence.
Snufflefungus: It’s a shame you can’t see it, but I’m making the cutest face right now.
~~ Silence.
Snufflefungus: You know, I never thought I’d say this, but it’s pretty boring without the other guys.
Malex: (Enters room with Linus.) Snufflefungus! What are you doing?!
Snufflefungus: Oh, well, you’ve been so busy that I thought you might appreciate some help. So, I started the episode without you.
Linus: Jeez, we can’t leave you for a minute, can we?
Snufflefungus: Hey! I did a good job!
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry for the confusion. Linus and I have been out investigating a rather disturbing possibility.
Linus: A very, very disturbing possibility.
Malex: See, the recent appearances of Little Red Riding Squirrel on the web site coupled with some unsettlingly violent premonitions on my part have led us to suspect that Little Red Riding Squirrel may actually exist.
Linus: May? Ha! I tell you, all of the evidence points to an inescapable fact!
Malex: I just don’t know.
Linus: I say it is Little Red Riding Squirrel, and he’s coming for us!
Malex: Linus, I still think you’re just jumping to conclusions. It’s probably just… Um…
Little Red Riding Squirrel: (Singing Little Red Riding Squirrel theme song.) It’s’a me! Little Red Riding Squirrel! Haha!
Snufflefungus: Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
Linus: Arrgh! Get it away from me! Away, away you foul thing!
Malex: What in the name of all that is holy are you doing here? How are you even real?!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I’m’a real! My life is real and I’m’a me!
Snufflefungus: This guy is even more screwed up than I am!
Malex: Little Red Riding Squirrel, what are you doing here?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I’ve come to see my best friends in the whole wide universe!
Linus: We don’t know where they are! Please just leave us in peace!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Haha! Silly laptop boy! You are my bestest friends!
Snufflefungus: Can we just be pen pals or something? I don’t want to be rude, but you’re severely invading my personal space.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Wait a minute! Where’s the crazy one?!
Snufflefungus: The crazy one?
Linus: Could he be referring to Icepunk?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: That’s him! The trigger-happy one!
Malex: Ah. Well, Icepunk went to Asia for some soul-searching, but I think he’s reverted to teaching 1337-5p34k to anyone who will listen.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Oh, maybe I should go visit.
Linus: Please do. Perhaps he’ll get a chance to shoot you.
Malex: Little Red Riding Squirrel, shouldn’t you be, I dunno, dealing drugs somewhere?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Not at all! I’m completely clean now!
Linus: Well that’s some improvement.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Now I’m running a successful daycare for the little childrens!
Snufflefungus: The horror!
Malex: Suddenly, everything comes into sharp focus.
Snufflefungus: You know, it’s precisely this kind of encounter that probably caused me to lose my memory in the first place.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Wait! Stop everything!
Malex: Um, why?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: You! What is your name?!
Snufflefungus: I don’t know. I lost my memory.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I know, I know! But what about before that?!
Linus: Perhaps you don’t understand.
Malex: We call him the Snufflefungus, but nobody knows what his real name was.
Snufflefungus: Nobody. Pronoun. Not any person; the logical negation of ‘somebody.’
Linus: That’s starting to creep me out.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I know where to find your memories!
Snufflefungus: What? Where?!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I met them on a slow-boat from China. They wanted you to know they were sorry; that they just couldn’t go through with it.
Malex: I think that’s either not enough information, or way, way too much.
Snufflefungus: Now I’m the one that’s creeped out.
Malex: Ladies and Gentlemen, I think that’s really all we have time for.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: I’m real, and I’m really me!
Malex: Today’s show was brought to you by the Malex Media Network. Please visit us online at MalexMedia.Net. God bless, and lock all of your doors and windows.
Credits
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Alex Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Alex Markley
Thanks to everyone for their help and support. 
Media Downloads
| Name | Size | Action |
|---|---|---|
| Episode Audio | 2.35 MB |   |
| Classic Malex Minute Illustration | 309.15 KB |  |
- Login or register to post comments
Share this!
| | | | |
© 2005-2010 by Malex Media Network, LLC. A part of the Malex Media Network®
Comments
Here we go!
Posted magic.
I really like this episode. What do you think?
--Alex Markley
Then, suddenly, Agent Dully vanished in a puff of narrative intervention, and was never seen again.
Alex Markley
“Aww, it's okay. Tell me all about it; I promise to listen like I care.”
Love it!
I just love this episode. Except...what's that wretched squirrel doing back again?
------------------------------
Just keep swimming!
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
I don't know...
I don't know; why don't you ask it?
--Alex Markley
Then, suddenly, Agent Dully vanished in a puff of narrative intervention, and was never seen again.
Alex Markley
“Aww, it's okay. Tell me all about it; I promise to listen like I care.”
No
I hope to never be in any form of communication with this wretched rodent. Ever.
------------------------------
Just keep swimming!
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Disclaimer
"It's a shame you can't see it, but I'm making the cutest face right now." -the Snufflefungus
I am not proud of, or responsible for, this line. mAlex wrote this script.
---------------------
Can you truthfully and conclusively answer anything to this question other than "Yes"?
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Yeah, well...
People laughed at that line, so I am proud of it.
--Alex Markley
Then, suddenly, Agent Dully vanished in a puff of narrative intervention, and was never seen again.
Alex Markley
“Aww, it's okay. Tell me all about it; I promise to listen like I care.”
Clarification
I didn't say I didn't think it was funny, I just said I wouldn't say something like hat if I was caught in such a situation.
---------------------
Can you truthfully and conclusively answer anything to this question other than "Yes"?
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
?
Why on earth would anyone, caught in an embarressing situation or otherwise, want to say "Hat" ?
------------------------------
Some write because they are writers. Others write because they have a story to tell.
Everything looks perfect from far away.
*sweet and innocent little girl voice*
Little Red Riding Squirrel, are you Italian?
------------------------------
Some write because they are writers. Others write because they have a story to tell.
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Het/That
Typo.
---------------------
Can you truthfully and conclusively answer anything to this question other than "Yes"?
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Lord almighty, thou hast forsaken us
Thine people calleth out to thee. We maketh alms and sacrifices unto thee, but thou hast ignored us. Oh Lord, heed the prayers of thine people; strike thine holy lightning upon the wretched beast of the odd voice and demon possession.
--
Currently working on new sig - will get back later.
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
.
Amen.
------------------
And this is why your mind is such a terrible thing to lose.
Beware
strike thine holy lightning upon the wretched beast of the odd voice
You'd better be sure to specify which one. Around here, one can't be too careful. Of course, the "demon possession" phrase goes a long way toward clearing things up.
------------------------------
Just keep swimming!
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Beware Too
This sounds irreverent, not necessarily to God, but to Christianity in general. I know you only meant it to be funny, but I think you should stop trying to be funny this way. It will never be funny.
Slushy, you were playing along with him, so this kind of goes for you too.
I don't want to speak out of place or anything, but really...
---------------------
Can you truthfully and conclusively answer anything to this question other than "Yes"?
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
Hmm...
Sorry I didn't respond to this earlier, but my attention has been demanded by other priorities of late.
Unfortunately, Crazy J, I actually agree with Quartz on this one.
ttyl!
--Alex Markley
Then, suddenly, Agent Dully vanished in a puff of narrative intervention, and was never seen again.
Alex Markley
“Aww, it's okay. Tell me all about it; I promise to listen like I care.”
I suppose
You guys are right. I shouldn't have encouraged him.
------------------
And this is why your mind is such a terrible thing to lose.
Technology and me
So AWESOME
! Keep it up!
I haven't been able to log on for almost a week because a house behind us was struck be lighnting and the TV and computer were both knocked out! My dad just picked up our fixed computer and I am still shocked by the massive amount of comments which can be accumulated in such a short time!!!
Also, I have a new sig!! Yeeaahhh!! (Lilly's probably already sick of it
; too bad)
------------------------------
Can you smell the color nine?
We were fighting like MEN!!
~Angry Joe
Your sig
Can you smell the color nine?
Reminds me of the old "Acidhead" type jokes of my youth. "Oh wow, look at all the pretty music." "Yeah man, far out. Smell the cool colors."
------------------------------
Just keep swimming!
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
I am not at all surprised
Well...you see...my dad told me about a song he used to listen to a lot. However, he didn't tell me who used to sing it. Go figure!! Even though it's from the seventies[
]...I still like it 
!
------------------------------
Can you smell the color NINE?
We were fighting like MEN!!
~Angry Joe
Paraphrase
"Can you smell the color nine?" -Mariel 7
I think it's funnier this way: "The letter two!"
You can never overdo the concept of a joke; it won't be as funny.
---------------------
Can you truthfully and conclusively answer anything to this question other than "Yes"?
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
?
"You can never overdo the concept of a joke; it won't be as funny."
Do you mean "should never" instead of can never?
------------------------------
Some write because they are writers. Others write because they have a story to tell.
Everything looks perfect from far away.
Oh... Hmm...
Yes, I do.
---------------------
Can you truthfully and conclusively answer anything to this question other than "Yes"?
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
What song?
What song did your dad listen to a lot? I was around in the 70's, I might know it.
------------------------------
Just keep swimming!
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Funny Line
Snufflefungus: It's a shame you can't see it, but I'm making the cutest face right now.
I was just glancing at the script here, and it struck me again just how funny this line is. Especially with that sweet little Snufflefungus voice that Quartz does!
------------------------------
Just keep swimming!
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
X-(|
---------------------
Can you truthfully and conclusively answer anything to this question other than "Yes"?
Gaussian blur fixes everything!
I know
I may know who Snufflefungus is. I know his cousin.
He could help him find his memory.
------------------
And this is why your mind is such a terrible thing to lose.