Our first guest interviewee! Will he survive the ordeal?
Malex: Welcome to the Malex Minute, Ladies and Gentlemen! My name is Alex Markley, and I’m hosting the show today along with Linus the laptop…
Snufflefungus: And Snufflefungus the Snufflefungus!
Malex: For the record, no.
Linus: How do we even justify calling you ‘Snufflefungus?’
Snufflefungus: I don’t really know!
Malex: I think it was originally supposed to be derogatory.
Snufflefungus: My name is a derogatory word! Yay!
Malex: Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, today we have a very special guest.
Linus: I notice that you didn’t say ‘guest star.’
Malex: All those big talk shows have it all wrong. They interview people after they become famous. Interviewing people before they become famous? We’re all over that.
Linus: Amazing. Simply amazing.
Snufflefungus: I don’t really want to host anymore.
Malex: Today, we have Daniel Woods in the studio with us.
Malex: So Danny; may I call you Danny?
Snufflefungus: May I call you Danny Danson?
Linus: May I call you Daniel Dead-meat?
Daniel: Should I be horrified at this point?
Linus: If you wish, but you should know that we’re only now getting started.
Malex: Anyway Ladies and Gentlemen, Danny is one of the very newest members of the Malex Media Network, and has the distinction of actually being good at making films! So Danny, can you tell us what got you started with filmmaking?
Daniel: Well Malex… Can I call you Malex?
Malex: I guess–
Daniel: Ha! Malex! M-ale-ecks? Maalox! Woo!
Linus: I think he’s got ya’ there.
Daniel: Anyway, ever since I was old enough to see, I’ve always been fascinated with TV and Films. At the age of 12 is when you could say my obsession with film started. After seeing Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, written and directed by George Lucas, I came out of the theater and knew that Episode 1 was the greatest film I had ever seen. That’s when I knew I wanted to make films because I was so excited when I saw it that it gave me gas. And when I get gas, that means something.
Malex: I think it means something alright…
Linus: Another point for Malex.
Snufflefungus: Can I keep score too?
Malex: Seriously. Had you ever seen any films at all prior to that? That movie was… crap.
Daniel: Is it okay for me to hate you now?
Malex: Be my guest! Anyway, what were your other inspirations?
Daniel: Like I said before, Star Wars, and also – after I was older – Saving Private Ryan, Black Hawk Down, Signs, and We Were Soldiers. I think Saving Private Ryan is my all time favorite movie… that and Dumb and Dumber. But after I saw Signs, I didn’t eat corn for almost six months. M. Night Shyamalan is probably my second favorite director at this point.
Malex: Yeah, Shyamalan is probably my favorite director of all time. So what was your first film about?
Daniel: It was supposed to be a serious short film about Star Wars called One Battle of Many. It was about five minutes long and involved some sweet high wire action and some cool force moves with light saber sticks. But after watching it four years later it’s almost impossible to view it as serious. My second film was right after I saw Signs in 2002. It was a comedy spoof off of that called Signed: The Directors Shun. That one is about forty-five minutes long. By the way, don’t ask about the title. I have no idea.
Malex: Yeah, I remember you guys working on that one. It was really stinking hilarious.
Snufflefungus: What about that title? How does that make any sense?
Daniel: … I have no idea.
Linus: Don’t mind him, he has no mental faculties at all.
Snufflefungus: One point for me!
Malex: So, how long did it take to finish these films, Danny?
Daniel: About three months for the Star Wars one and four months for the Signs one. We didn’t have our drivers licenses until two years later after the last film, so that was kinda frustrating because our parents didn’t want to keep driving forty minutes back and fourth all the time between our houses. I can’t understand why.
Snufflefungus: One point for the parents!
Linus: Are you positive that you understand the point of this game?
Snufflefungus: Infinity points for me! I win!
Linus: I didn’t think so.
Malex: So, you mentioned high wire stunts. Were there any injuries during the making of these films?
Daniel: Oh Yes. I broke my tail bone while doing one of the high wire stunts for One Battle of Many. That’s why it took three months because I had to lie low for a while. Literally. For that short, you’ll notice that I’m wearing blue jeans in the first half and khakis in the second. I had forgotten that I wore jeans by the time we filmed the second half. And besides a few goose eggs on the head and a shotgun wound to the butt, Signed wasn’t too bad.
Malex: I’m confused; couldn’t you have looked at the tape and seen what you were wearing before?
Daniel: Well, my mental capacity was somewhat limited at that time of my life… That’s probably why I got hurt so much.
Linus: Malex, are we sure we want him on the team?
Malex: Sure we do! Danny, can you tell us anything about your partnership with the Malex Media Network, and what you hope to accomplish with us?
Daniel: Well, I hope to gain more experience, meet new people and provide clean entertainment that would put Hollywood to shame. We’ve already got some comedy shorts in the works that should show up on the Malex Media Network site.
Malex: Rock on! What about a random personal fact?
Daniel: I have an ingrown toenail that speaks to me on occasion.
Snufflefungus: Ow, ow, ow!
Linus: Danny Danson, you win. Go away.
Malex: Anything else you’d like to add?
Snufflefungus: No! Please! Don’t give him the chance!
Daniel: No, not really. I’m pretty tired of talking to you right now.
Malex: Alrighty then! Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for joining us! I hope you enjoyed the show, and will join us next week!
Snufflefungus: I’ll be hosting the show!
Malex: Today’s show was brought to you by the Malex Media Network. Visit us online at MalexMedia.Net, God Bless, and have a great day!
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writer: Alex Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Alex Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Alex Markley
Thanks to everyone for their help and support.