It's like a horrible disease! And in the future, everyone will have it!
I spent some time with Icepunk on Monday - the last time we'll see each other until after he returns from Boot Camp in June. We saw The Pursuit of Happyness. (Don't even get me started... "Happyness"...) Then we sat around at a local Taco Hell chilling, eating, and watching as each morbidly obese patron crammed food into the eternal void of their stomach.
It was a sight to see. ("To see," that is, if you enjoy the magical feeling of revulsion.)
Eventually, I got to thinking about a future where energy is at a premium. After all, we've all heard that the raw oil in the planet will be completely consumed in approximately five minutes, which kinda cramps our style yo. Even our best attempts at alternative sources of energy tend to have one disastrous effect or another. (For example, did you know that converting to wind power would destroy all weather patterns on planet Earth and reduce our suburban homes to rows and rows of blackened husks?)
And then it hit me! What were we thinking?! We've been searching for alternative sources of energy for decades, and the real answer has been staring us in the mirror the entire time! Morbidly obese people are full of healthy lipids: A wonderful source of energy!
We already have a pretty well-established blood donation infrastructure in place, so all we need to do is add fat donation to the menu. A little privatization and legislation to make the process mandatory, and voila! Dystopia! From there, it's simple. The excess fat could be shipped to specialized plants where it would be dumped in the incinerator and put to good use.
It's not even hard to imagine cars being designed to run right off human fat. All you'd need to do is head off to the filling station and get the healthy lipids pumped right from the nearest donor into your car.
You'd need to use it all up fast though, or it'd start to smell...
In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen, let us all thank God that I'm not in control of our future. I'll have more to say later on, but I'm not even sure I want to hear it!